So This Is Love
by LisaDouglas
Summary: Jack and Karen stumble into a life they never expected. * Reposted ch 11 sorry it was so scrambled!
1. We Weren't Even Trying

Ch 1- We Weren't Even Trying

* This takes place in an AU season 8 where WAG revisit the idea of having a child together after breaking up with Vince and Leo, and Karen divorces Stan following his return from the "dead."

Karen sighed as she woke up, hugging the blankets tightly to her chest. She furrowed her brow, squeezing her eyes tight, as the light crept in, making her already aching head begin to pound. She'd slept soundly the night before, but now that the budding hangover had started to take over, the last thing she wanted to do was open her eyes. She groaned, keeping her eyes closed as she turned over to face the center of the bed.

"Ummm, oh!" She yelped, surprised to notice her bare skin, make contact with someone else's.

She couldn't remember doing anything the night before, and apparently she had. All that she could recall about the previous evening was that she'd gotten her final divorce settlement from Stan, and that she, Jack, Rosario and several other friends (not including Will and Grace, who were in the midst of arguing over having a child together), had had a lot to drink in celebration of the apparently happy news.

In truth, she was just dying inside. The last thing on earth she wanted was to leave Stan. But it was over; it was done. And money or not, she was miserable. So she'd drowned her sorrows in alcohol, in pills … in God knew what else. She only knew that it'd been far more than even she was used to.

Even so, Karen found herself intrigued when the other body scooted itself closer to hers. She grabbed its arm, noting at once that it was a man. Her heart sunk when she realized her hand nearly fit around his wrist.

'It's not Stanley.' She thought. 'And it'll never be Stanley again … Oh to hell with him, if he doesn't want you, you don't want him!'

The owner of this body had not yet opened his eyes, and was still not fully awake. Unlike Karen, he wasn't used to drinking much at all, and felt far more ill than she. Nonetheless, the individual in question wondered the same thing Karen thought when he woke up to the feeling of someone else's skin:

'Who in the hell is that?!'

"Ummmm good morning." Karen purred. She understood what had

happened: and decided that just maybe, it would lead to a new chapter in her life.

"Um morning Karen." Jack mumbled, his eyes popping open when he said

Karen. "Karen!" He yelled, sitting up in bed and covering his chest with the blanket.

"Jack!" She sat up at the same time. He was the last person she'd ever expected it to be.

"Ahhhhhhh!" They screamed at once.

"Oh…O-M-G…Karen what happened?!" Jack was shaking.

The two jumped out of bed and stood facing each other, mortified. She held the comforter over her and he held a sheet over him, which was a bit ridiculous, it wasn't as if they hadn't seen each other naked before. Karen wracked her brain…had anything happened…?

"Honey, I-I don't know." She was beginning to shake a little bit herself. This was simply too awkward.

"Do you think we…we…" He could barely stomach the inquiry.

"Honey I…I don't know." She squeaked.

Jack paused, gulping. Now that he was fully awake, he was starting to recall the things they'd done the night before. It pained him so much to think on it; in fact he wanted to throw up.

"K-Karen…I think I…Karen we…. we yeah..." Jack wished he could simply disappear. He'd never felt so panicked or sick to his stomach in his life. He couldn't believe he'd slept with a… _woman_. "I'm really sure that you, that I…and you…that we…"

Sure he and Karen did a lot of risqué things together, it wasn't as if he wasn't familiar with her body. He wasn't even completely uncomfortable with her body…. But this! What did this mean? How did this affect his fabulously platinum gay identity … Oh no! He was no longer, a platinum gay! Jack bit his lip, fighting back the urge to be sick.

"J-Jackie I think your right." She said, sinking back onto the bed.

She sighed painfully, resting her aching head in her palm. The look that spread across her face pained him greatly; it was like watching her heart sink. He was disgusted, but wondered why she felt this way, seemingly so painfully sad. After all, he was a man, and she a straight woman. What was her problem with what had happened? It made him sick sure, but he hoped it wasn't hurting her.

"Jackie I'm, I'm sorry." Karen said very seriously.

Pieces of the previous evening where fluttering back to her, and she thought this was probably all her fault. She assumed she'd gone too far with him while she was high and drunk. Historically, the concept seemed accurate. But she couldn't stand the idea of ruining, or changing her relationship with Jack, not now when she needed him the most.

"It's not your fault Kare… Hey I'm going to take a shower…wash all these girl germs off me, wanna come?"

"Haha, come." She laughed and he giggled in reply.

Soon they were laughing together like nothing was ever wrong in the first place. Perhaps things wouldn't change after all?

"Really Kare, come with…"

"How are you supposed to get rid of lady germs if you take me with you?" She countered. He could tell she was a little hurt by this comment, _lady germs_.

"Oh Karen I…" She was surprised when he came to her side of the bed and kissed her aching forehead. She groaned, a small smile on her face. "I don't mean it that way… I'm so glad that if I had to wake up in bed with a woman, that it was you. I mean you are my girlfriend, remember?"

Karen nodded. A couple of years before, after she annulled her marriage to Lyle Finster, but before Stan came back, they'd decided to be each other's significant other, noting that they were the only ones good enough for each other. They'd made the decision to be a couple in every way, except of course for sex.

"And if we're partners." He continued. "And I love you, which I do. Then I guess its only fitting that we've done it, at least once." He reasoned.

He extended his hand to her. She smiled slowly as she looked up and took his hand in her own.

"Come on, Rosie's probably already in there." He said as they heard the water begin to run in the shower.

…

A Month And A Half Later

"Grace … Are you alright?" Will cringed, knocking on the bathroom door.

She'd been so moody lately, but not for the reasons they would've hoped. It was a sensitive time of year, and not at all the day to be doing what Grace was doing. He didn't understand that she longed for this news.

"Maybe you better just leave it for today…" He suggested lightly.

Within a flash, she opened the door, leaning against the doorframe, her eyes wildly drilling into his. He gulped, just a bit nervous.

"It's as good a day as any for it, now if you could, just let me pee on a stick in peace!" Will jumped as she slammed the door.

"Touchy…" He mumbled.

"I heard that!"

It was, you see, Grace and Leo's anniversary. She opened the door again, taking the box from the drug store out of his hand.

"Forgot something?" He asked.

He sighed as she grabbed it and slammed the door in his face again. Will was worried. How were a gay man and a straight woman ever supposed to find happiness in this way? Especially when they'd both just gotten their hearts broken by the men of their dreams.

Will looked up when Jack and Karen walked in, the door slamming behind them. Karen hadn't felt right since just before lunch, as if she'd known what was coming, and now she found it hard to contain her emotions. What kind of life would she have now? Would Rosie leave? Would Jack abandon her? Would there even be a place to live now? There were too many unanswered questions. She was shell-shocked and about to be sick, but determined to remain cheery in front of Will and Grace. The last thing she wanted to talk about was her money problems.

Jack was sickened by the proposition he'd gotten at lunch, and had yet to tell Karen about it. But with what had happened, he found himself weighing it in his mind.

'She's taken care of me all this time.' He thought, seeing through her passive-aggressively cheery façade. 'Maybe its time I do something for her… Nah I can't. Beverly Leslie! I mean yuuuck.'

"Alright, where's the cake?" Grace asked, bursting out of the bathroom.

"Oh you're taking another pregnancy test." Jack observed, picking up one of the boxes on the table.

"Don't rub it in." Grace added, already biting into a bit of the cheesecake.

"Yeah, please don't rub it in." Will insisted.

"Kare remember when we took these that one time, it was kinda fun." He said, trying to lighten the mood. Will raised an eyebrow.

She giggled. "We were sad because we thought Jackie's would be positive." Karen started to laugh at the memory as Grace looked back resentfully.

"Well mine sure isn't. Will maybe you better try."

"I think I'll hold off." He watched all three of his friends skeptically.

"Come on Kare, lets take one, for old times sake, besides it'll get your mind off of your money…"

"Shuuuuuu. The last thing I wanna talk about is my money problems."

Karen decided to humor Jack. Like a mother with a small child, she wanted him to think that his idea, which had been intended to make her feel better, would actually work. But it would do more harm than good. It reminded her of all the time she'd squandered with her Stan, and with Mason and Olivia. It wasn't as if she longed for children at all, but she didn't like the reminder of what would never be.

Grace sighed, as Jack and Karen scurried off to opposite corners of the apartment to take their tests. She sighed, laying her head on the table as the doorbell buzzed.

"I got you your fav!" Will announced.

"Woopie." She mumbled. He ran his fingers through her hair as he grabbed his wallet off the table and made his way down to greet the pizza guy.

As soon as the coast was clear, Grace got up and darted for the message machine, turning the volume down and playing the last thing on her inbox.

"Hey Grace, it's Leo…"

…

"What's taking you so long, Kare?" Jack whined, knocking on Will's bathroom door.

She came out after a long pause, a small frown on her face. Jack couldn't help but notice she looked pale.

"It's alright we'll get through this together." He squeezed her hand.

"Yeah…" She replied weakly, gulping. She was about to be sick.

"I'm kinda sad." He said as they made their way back to the living room. Karen stared, almost comatose. "Mine was negative. I really thought it wasn't gonna be for a second."

Distracted, Karen tripped, but Jack caught her just before she fell. She made her way to the couch and while Will, Grace and Jack all made a beeline for the pizza and cake, she went right for the Vodka Will had poured her. The thing she needed most right then was a drink.

"So you guys'll never believe what weird thing happened to me today." Jack, in a lighter mood now, started to laugh. "Some weird little old elf asked me to share half his fortune with him. Can you believe it? Me and Beverly Leslie, how hilarious!"

Karen choked as she drank; looking back up at Jack, fire in her eyes. Jackpot. Or, should we say, Jack-pot.

"Jackie I think we'd better go."

"But Karen I'm just eating my…"

"There's not enough vodka!" For the way she felt right then, there wasn't enough vodka in the world.

"I just gave you a whole bottle!" Will complained.

"Hey I could use some of that right now." Grace realized, her mouth full.

Karen said not a word, but instead uncorked the large bottle and began to drink, all of them staring back as she guzzled it. She finished without another word and she and Jack got back on the elevator as he continued to joke and tease about the ridiculousness of Beverly's proposal.

"You'll do it!" She said, grabbing his collar and slamming him into the wall.

Karen didn't want to force it, but she was panicked in more ways than one now and saw this as their only way out.

"But Karen! I don't like him I think he's gross."

"Oh yeah, and Stan wasn't a little bit gross?!"

"But I don't love him."

"And when's that ever stopped you before?"

Jack gasped as if he'd been slapped. "Well played!"

Karen pushed Jack out as the elevator reached the first floor, sending him on his way to be sacrificed to Beverly Leslie. He turned to question her more but the doors closed. She needed to be alone.

Crying now, she stopped the elevator purposefully, just when it reached the space between the second and third floors. She sighed, sniffing as she leaned against the wall and started to fish something out of her purse. She held the stick up to her eye-level, her fate manifested in a tiny plus sign.

"Oh Stan, you bastard, how could you leave me like this?" She whispered.


	2. With Jack

Ch 2 – With Jack

Karen closed her eyes, taking a deep breath as the elevator alarm continued to sound in the foreground. She gripped the railing, trying her best to keep from being sick when hit with an overwhelming wave of nausea. She gulped, swallowing hard. There it was: all that vodka. In a panic, she hit the button for the lobby a second time, now needing desperately to get out of the confined space. Her head spun as the walls closed in.

"Alright. There's got to be a better explanation than this. There's no way you can really be…'

Karen took a deep breath, holding back tears of frustration. The elevator dinged as the doors opened and in that instant, she threw up all over a man's shoes. She stared back, resentfully as he stared her down.

"What, were they from Kmart? … You're welcome!"

…

Karen didn't know where to go, or what to do. Her mind swam as she walked down the street: alone, scared to death, almost comatose. She was nearly paralyzed, without Rosario, without driver, and most of all, without Jack.

"Oh my … what'll we do without Jack?" She asked breathlessly, her hand against her stomach as she came to a stop at the edge of the sidewalk. She voiced her fears out loud, barely processing them.

Karen jumped as a car rushed by, cutting it a bit too close, nearly hitting her. She backed up, almost hyperventilating, absentmindedly placing both hands against her stomach, then moving one up to her heart, catching her breath.

"It's okay. We're okay. We're okay."

She looked down, noting where she held her right hand, and stood there for a beat, stunned. She gulped.

"Oh come on." She giggled, looking heavenward. "This is some kind of a joke?"

She sighed painfully: defeated and just a bit broken now. How was she supposed to do this, when she didn't know how she was going to survive?

Karen made her way into the park, on the verge of tears, trying to process a world turned upside down. This morning, she'd been living in uncomplicated luxury with her best friend in the world, celebrating a huge divorce settlement. This morning, she'd also been infertile … As far as medical science was concerned. Yet somehow, in the course of just a few short hours, life had done a 180: and she found herself pregnant, alone, and penniless.

"How can this be, after all this time?" She asked herself softly, practically collapsing onto a bench overlooking a secluded part of a jogging path.

So many years with her Stanley, so many affairs with so many men, an elaborate nursery gone to waste … and now, this?! Karen looked down, noting where her hand still rested, as if shielding the secret she kept within. Somewhere inside, she'd known even before now.

"Jack. He's your daddy, isn't he?" She whispered, still thinking out loud.

She knew there was no way she could make it on her own. What if Jack decided he liked his life with Beverly? After all, that wrinkly old troll could give him the one thing she could not. What if he wouldn't care for her, as she had for him all these years? What if… what if he abandoned her?

Karen's heart began to race as tears flowed freely down her cheeks and panic filled her soul. She found herself irked by the fact that she didn't have the willpower to remove her hand from her middle. Her subconscious spoke for its self. She wanted it: she treasured it. She was desperate for it. And despite some contradictory feelings, she knew deep down, that no amount of resentment or questioning on her part could match her desire to have the baby in question.

…..

"A-are you really in there?" She gulped, almost too afraid to address it, now that she knew it was in fact, _in there_.

Karen pressed her hands tight over her stomach as she rode in the back of a cab, consumed with worry and a quickly growing sense of disgust over her dank surroundings.

"Damn poor people's transportation…" She muttered.

Karen kept telling herself the smell of the cab, coupled with the driver's poor steering capabilities, were the cause of her unrelenting nausea. In reality, it was simply fear. She'd never imagined that this special moment in her life would go down this way. After all, it was every girl's dream to jaunt across town in a rickety old cab to tell their gay best friend they were expecting his baby.

"Ahh!" She cried, covering her mouth as the car hit a pothole.

In that instant, Karen's nausea kicked up several notches and she found herself nearly unable to keep from getting sick. She closed her eyes and covered her mouth, trying as best she could to breathe only through her nose. She had a stomach like iron, as evidenced by her over the top drinking habit. But so far, pregnancy seemed to be getting the better of her and she worried that was evidence that this whole mommy thing would not be her cup of tea.

"Mommy." She sighed, the idea of someone calling her that (and not in a sarcastic way as Olivia often did); winning her over.

It'd been too long, and trying of a day already. After everything else, she'd forced herself to see doctor (who she was afraid of seeing), and now, found herself hurrying to find Jack before he made a terrible mistake at her insistence.

'It's too late, it's too late, what if I'm too late?!' She asked herself as the cab slowed, getting stuck in traffic.

She couldn't let this happen to Jack, and more than that, she couldn't loose him to Beverly, of all people: not before he knew. Her heart raced. She didn't know how she would tell him, or how he would take it, only that she had to: and fast.

"It'll be okay." She whispered, closing her eyes…'When, did I get so damn mushy?' She thought.

From the first moment, she'd fought the urge to insult it, just like she did everyone else. But she wouldn't dare. That would be tempting fate. For once, she found herself mired in a sense of respect and fear she didn't quite understand. In short, she was in awe.

"I promise it'll be okay… Mommy promises, somehow, it'll be okay."

…

"Jackie no, don't, do it!" Karen cried, bursting through Beverly's living room doors.

She looked back at him, clinging to the French door's handles, desperation, in her eyes. Somehow, it wasn't too late. Was it? Jack turned on his toes, his eyes shining bright with joy when he saw her. In an ironic twist of fate, he was glowing.

'Wow she saved me, just in time!' He thought. 'Well… at least she bought me a few minutes.'

"Karen! Thank God you're here!" Jack cried. "But I have to go, Beverly…"

"I'm horny!" Beverly shouted from the other room, causing the bile to rise in Karen's throat again. The last thing she wanted to think about was Beverly, in bed.

"Jackie honey, I can't let you do it." She grabbed his hands as quickly as she could, holding him tight as if to claim him.

Jack was thinking he'd rather sleep with Karen again, than ever consummate his relationship with Beverly. It was hard for him to admit, but somehow, the notion made him considerably less ill. Karen was soft and surprisingly sweet. She smelled like his favorite perfume, the one she'd gotten him for his birthday, and best of all: he loved her. But Beverly was old and pruny, and smelled like what Jack imagined to be the decay that came only after death.

"I was wrong before! I loved Stanley. This isn't the same thing. Please, don't do this. No one deserves to be with that old troll!" Karen was desperate, hoping she could get him out of there without telling him the full truth.

Jack sighed. "I'll get over it… Eventually. Hey, did you bring a picture of Kevin Bacon with you, maybe I could take it in there and…"

"No honey, please listen to me." She insisted, starting to feel sick again.

Jack sighed, deciding to tell her the truth. "I want to provide for you, like you have for me all of this time. I owe that to you!" He confided, her heart beginning to race. "You're my better half, and my family. I won't be with him forever, and we need the money."

It was hard for Jack to say this. In his mind, he was manning up: simply doing what needed to be done for the sake of their family: the two of them and Rosie too. Karen started to sniffle a little when he said this, doing her best to hide that she was deeply touched and overly emotional, but he caught on.

"Kare? What's going on with you?" He asked, concern in his voice. She looked away, trying to hide her tears, but he wiped them away with his thumb. "You're rarely so emotional."

Karen didn't really know what to say. This was not how she'd wanted to tell him. It was too special, and far too sensitive to discuss with Beverly in their midst, but if it would get Jack out of there… Karen quickly rehearsed a million things she could've said but decided that simple was best.

Without a word, she took her pregnancy test out of her bag and showed it to him. He gasped, covering his mouth and she smiled, thinking he understood.

"Oh my GOD!" He squealed, flapping his hands in excitement. "I'm having a baby!" She nodded vigorously, relieved about his apparent excitement. The feeling faded when he started to flip out. "Oh my God Kare, I'm gonna loose my figure!"

She sighed in extreme frustration once she realized his actual 'understanding.'

"No, no, Jackie that's not…"

"Oh wait!" He realized, starting to get excited again. "It's you whose gonna lose your figure!"

"That's right Jackie: I'm pregnant." She gushed, tears still pouring down her cheeks.

He thought it was great news. Not only did he love babies, but if she was going to get back together with Stan, then he really didn't have to sleep with Beverly at all!

"Karen you're gonna have a baby! I love little babies! And I get to be: just Uncle Jack!" He cried, holding out his jazz hands. "I'm so excited! Have you told Stan yet?"

Karen stopped, taken aback and not really knowing what to say. Somehow, it hurt that he didn't get it.

"Karen?" He questioned.

"No. No honey, I haven't told Stan." She said softly.

"Well why not?"

Karen took a deep breath, trying to gather the strength she needed to tell him the truth. Even at this stage, she was so afraid he'd turn her away. The way she saw it, he was faced with two choices: be the spoiled boy toy of a man he couldn't stand, or, for once in his life: step up and face some real responsibility. Despite what he'd said about wanting to provide for her, she didn't think the man who'd spent his life dependent on others would chose the responsibility, particularly when he was gay and responsibility it entailed being tied to a woman and a baby.

"Because it's not Stan's …. Jackie, honey, it's yours."

"Ja…! " Jack stared back; almost catatonic, his mouth hanging open.

"Jackie?" She pressed gently after a beat.

He was in shock, and felt as if he was having an out of body experience.

"Jack! What's taking you so long?!" Beverly yelled.

"Honey I know it's a surprise but…"

"WOW!" He said, finally.

"I don't know what we're going to have, or what we'll do. But I'm alone and honey, I've never been more scared." Karen confessed.

"Jaaaack!" Beverly practically whistled.

Jack looked back toward Beverly's room, uncertain, and then into Karen's tearstained eyes, noting they seemed to plead with him. He swallowed hard, his head continuing to whirl as he squeezed her hands. How was this supposed to work? Jack was overwhelmed by the news. A baby with Karen was a shock for sure, but she didn't realize how enormously happy the idea made him. Without even really thinking, something about it seemed just perfect.

"Please Jackie, our baby and I need you so much more than Beverly does."

"Yooo whooo, Jackie boy!" Beverly called, flirtatiously.

Beverly's voice made Jack jump: the old man's southern twang a reminder of his _responsibilities_. 'How?' He thought. _'Can I provide or a child?'_

"Jackie, please." She whispered. "Be with me and the baby or don't … but don't do this with Beverly. It isn't right."

Her words soothed him and he turned back to her, looking into her eyes as if she were the only person left on earth.

"You really mean all of this Kare?" He asked, she nodded, scared out of her mind. "I get to have a baby with my best friend?!"

She nodded quickly, smiling now, even as she cried. She bit her lip, suppressing tearful laughter: he cared!

"Yes! You're the only man I've been with Jackie, it's yours and I couldn't love anything more than that."

"Jack you naughty boy!" Beverly called again.

"Come on Jackie… No baby daddy of mine belongs in a place like this. Come home with us. I know we don't know how we'll make it but … It's better than this."

Jack smiled, wrapping his arm tightly around her as the two of them began to walk away.

…

Karen sighed, closing her eyes, her head on Jack's chest. It started to rain as they got back into the smelly cab and made their way home, uncertain as to what they would find there. Jack held her close, his heart racing as she seemed to nap. He was reeling from the shock, but she took comfort in the warm embrace of her best friend.

"Jackie, I was so afraid I'd scare you off with this." She confessed, cuddling closer to him.

Karen had never felt so venerable in her entire life. Having him hold her, especially after she thought she'd loose him, seemed to take the edge off of her angst. Something about his embrace was just perfect. Loving, non-judgmental, fulfilling even: it was like a home she hadn't known she'd been missing. Even so, something in the back of her mind pretended his wimpy arms were Stan's enormous, gushy ones.

"You could never scare me off." He whispered.

"Even with a baby?"

He laughed. "Especially not with a baby, silly! Karen, I love my son, and I'd love more than anything to be a real father to him. But I only get so far because he always pushes me back. I've never told you this, but I want to be a dad, a real one."

"Honey you do?"

"I've been wanting a baby as much as you have."

"You have?" She asked in surprise, pulling away from him and sitting up.

"Yeah. I really have."

She giggled with relief. "Then it really is perfect. I loved Stanley but… Jackie, I don't think I know anybody who'd make a better daddy than you."

She'd been thinking about it, and this was perfect. Stan wouldn't have been so involved, but Jack would be there for everything. Jack took her hand and squeezed it.

"Well that's good, cause there's no one else I'd rather do this with than you."


	3. The Family

Ch 3- The Family

"So you guys seem nervous." Will remarked, taking a couple of glasses out of the cabinet and beginning to set the table. "What's going on?"

Jack and Karen were unsure about how to tell their friends their news, especially when they'd been trying to so hard for a baby and their own pregnancy had happened on the world's biggest fluke.

"Wilma…" Karen began. "We've got some news for you."

"Oh?" Grace asked, curious.

The couple that wasn't, noted that Jack and Karen seemed anxious-excited about this news, whatever it was. Jack rubbed Karen's hand softly, each deferring to the other and giggling like a nervous couple about to let everyone know they were getting married… Will hoped to God that wasn't it. He knew something drastic would come out of the recent turn of events. First, Karen had lost all of her money. Quickly following that, Beverly Leslie had passed away, after being swept of his terrace by the wind, and as his sole heir, Jack had become a very, very rich man.

"So…" Will pressed, opening a bottle of wine.

"Will, Grace. Kids, Jackie and I are going…"

'Oh no.' Will thought, 'How could he let Karen sucker him into marriage…' Will was afraid of this. The two were attached at the hip, and he knew Karen would do anything to get her claws into his money, even become Mrs. McFarland and allow him to cheat with every Tom, Dick and Harry… funny, just like Beverly Leslie.

He could see it now: 'I'd marry a gay man in a heart beat honey.' She'd say. 'I mean, it worked for Grace!"

"Karen and I are going to have a baby!" Jack finished her sentence.

Jack and Karen squealed in excitement and nodded in unison, but Will and Grace didn't notice the joy their friends shared: they were far too alarmed.

"WHAT?!" Will yelled. A baby? This was far worse than a sham marriage.

Grace spit out her ice cream, beginning to choke and Will quickly jumped up to attend to her.

"What were you thinking?!" Will cried.

"It's going to be just like you and Grace's baby, only better dressed!" Karen enthused.

"Forget what they were thinking, how in the hell did it happen?" Grace coughed.

Jack scooted closer to Karen on the couch, both of them feeling singled out for their confession.

"Well, we uh…" Karen looked at Jack, wondering if he would explain the rest.

"Well Grace, when a gay man and a woman love each other very much…" Jack began.

"We know that part!" Will was frustrated. "Jack, what happened to being a platinum gay?"

"Guilty." He giggled.

"Oh good, atrtificial insemination." Will sighed.

"Haha insemination." Jack giggled again.

"No honey this was done the old fashioned way." Karen giggled.

"You had sex!" Grace cried.

"No, no, no. It happened over a couple of old fashioned's…" Karen explained.

"And _then_ we had sex." Jack added, smiling.

"In a drunken stupor." Karen clarified.

"We barely remember any of it, thank God!"

"What does this mean?" Will questioned frantically, as Grace looked on eagerly. Jack and Karen exchanged glances, unsure of what they met.

"Well honey we…"

"I'm moving into the manse and we're going to be a family." Jack explained.

"You're keeping it?" Grace asked, stuffing her mouth with ice cream.

"Well yeah honey…" Karen found herself surprised by the question.

Jack squeezed Karen's hand, their demeanor collectively changing in just those few seconds. They knew this wouldn't be easy, but now they found they were offended.

"Karen you couldn't even keep that goldfish alive for a couple of days." Grace reminded.

"The idea of the two of you having a baby is totally crazy! You're both irresponsible! You're always drunk." Will pointed at Karen. "Someone does everything for both of you, you don't know what this is going to be like. And most importantly Jack, your gay! Do you really wanna settle down with a woman?"

"Never stopped you." Karen spat.

"I have a son." Jack reminded.

Will sighed. "And you've been around how much of his life?"

"Will." Grace warned, noting how upset Karen seemed.

"It's totally crazy!"

"WILL!"

"What?!"

"Don't judge them for wanting this. Look what we're about to do. Excuse me."

Grace got up and dashed into the other room, trying to hide the fact that she was crying. She came back quickly and retrieved her ice cream before running away again.

"Gracie…" Will called.

In that instant, Jack burst out crying.

"Now look what you've done!" Karen spat, wrapping her arm lovingly around Jack. "He's been real emotional lately from all the hormones."

Jack tried to talk, but just dissolved into a mumbling mess.

"Which one of you is pregnant again?" Will asked.

Karen stopped when he said this, got up and bolted for the bathroom door.

"This is how we do this." Jack dried his tears. "I have the emotions, she has the morning sickness."

"You two are serious, aren't you?" Will asked as Karen came out of the bathroom. Will noted she looked pale and tired now.

"Are you and Grace serious?" She asked.

"Yes." Grace said sadly, emerging from her bedroom.

"I still can't believe this." Will said.

Jack stood, taking Karen's hand. "What's so strange about it? Can't a gay man and a straight woman have a baby together without their friends thinking they're crazy!" Jack cried.

"Well it is…" Will began.

"Crazy." Grace finished. Will's heart sank.

"Well, we're sorry Wilma." Karen began, as she and Jack got up and headed toward the door.

"We're sorry if this doesn't fit the kind of Jack and Karen antics you're so used to!" Will could tell Jack was angry.

"Wait, guys…" Will started to feel bad.

Jack and Karen left, slamming the door behind them.

"Will?" Grace asked. "Are we crazy?"

…

"Jackie, you promise me we're doing the right thing?" Karen asked.

Will's over reaction to their news had hurt her feelings, making her doubt her usually overly confident self. What if they were going to make horrible parents? What if they were doing the wrong thing in keeping it? They'd only had that talk in passing, and only because of their unusual circumstnaces, but it'd gone a little something like this:

' _Jackie, how do you really, really feel?' She'd asked on the cab ride home from Beverly's. 'Please be honest, I can take it.'_

' _Well, how do you really feel?'_

' _On three?' She'd asked._

' _Okay! One.'_

' _Two…'_

' _Three!' They'd cried in unison. 'I want/I want you to keep it!'_

It'd been a resounding, and sound decision. They wanted it: they loved it already.

"I promise we're doing a wonderful thing Kare. Something that'll make us happy for the rest of our lives. You know Will, he's…"

"A kill joy."

Karen surveyed their surroundings quickly, their current environment the biggest kill joy she could think of. A couple of weeks had passed since she first told him, and she found herself back at, doctor's: this time with Jack at her side. As always, she was scared to death to be there, but this time, she had Jack there to calm her down and she couldn't believe how good of a job he was doing.

"Forget about everybody else. We're going to love this baby and that's all that matters. And in five minutes, we get to see it!"

Karen was nervous, but Jack could not have been more excited. She'd been drinking like a fish the whole first month and a half, having no idea what was happening inside. She was dying to know if it was all right, or if it'd come out funny, but too afraid to say anything to him about it. Jack was already so over protective of their child to be, that it had her on pins and needles…. Or perhaps, she was on pins and needles because he'd forbade her from the thing that comforted her most: drinking… and pills.

Karen was still getting used to the idea that in some way, Jack was in charge now because he was the one with the money. It was a swap in power dynamics she didn't like and he was also having trouble growing accustomed to. But she'd stick with it: for the sake of keeping her life in tact and getting to have this baby. It wasn't that different than enduring some of Stan's less likeable qualities, was it? Likewise, Jack figured he'd endure it too: to keep his child safe from its mother's vices.

"Aren't you excited Kare? In a minute, we'll get to see Just Jack Jr!"

Karen giggled despite her fears about the baby. 'All men are the same.' She thought. 'Even faries want boys…'

"You know what I think, Jackie?" She said after a beat.

"What's that?"

"I think you'll make a great daddy Jackie."

"Awes." He blushed, waiving his hand as if he wanted her to stop.

"And I think you'll make an especially cute girl daddy." She tapped his nose gently with her finger.

Jack gasped, pretending to be shocked. He paused a beat, confusing Karen before giggling. "Oh my god! I think that'd be perfect!" He squealed.

….

"What right did I have to call them crazy? We're just as crazy!" Will fretted, his head in his hands as Grace massaged his shoulders.

"I know. Will I…"

"I just feel so bad." He got up and went to the kitchen, collecting the phone. "You know I'm going to call them. We were supposed to host dinner but instead, let's have a little party. Invite Elliot? Maybe… what?"

"Will. Honey we have to talk." Grace said, very seriously.

"Oh Gracie. If this is about your highlights again…"

"No. No Will this is about our baby…" She said, trying her best not to look at him in the eye.

"Oh." He put down the phone. "Grace if you don't want to keep trying. If this is like before…"

"No. Will. I think something is wrong."

….

"Oh honey, would you look at that, there it is." Karen sniffled.

The pair had been left alone to watch the ultrasound for a few minutes. Both were mesmerized, almost speechless.

"Honey?" She questioned, drying her tears.

There it was: thirteen weeks, and not the black little dot they'd been expecting. Instead, it was an almost fully formed little thing: ten fingers, then toes… certainly not the alcohol jumbled mess she'd been expecting. Karen didn't know if she believed in miracles, but if they were out there, this was one.

Jack paused. He said nothing, resting his face against hers.

'Wow.' She thought. 'That's my baby.'

"Honey?" She questioned.

"That's… That's…. Wow."

"Honey… thank you for not being mad at me, like Will was at us."

"Mad at you?" He asked, surprised. "How could I ever be mad at you Kare? This is a wonderful gift! Besides, you didn't exactly get here by yourself. Oh Kare don't cry."

"I didn't think you'd come back when I lost the money." She sobbed.

"I'd love you always, money or not." He promised.

"I…" She was shocked. He'd said it before, even before the baby but she was still shocked by it.

"That's why it's called love, silly. It's unconditional, duh."

For Jack, Karen had always shown him unconditional love.

"Oh my God, Jackie we're really going to have a baby." She said it as though she could herself, barely comprehend it.

"I know, and who better to have baby with than your best friend?"

She laughed at this as the tears continued to flow down her cheeks. "You're so sweet Jackie. You wouldn't rather have you know… what Will and Vince were going to have before he decided he wanted Grace back?" She asked, sniffling.

He shook his head. "Other men have caused me a lot of pain. I'm always going to be gay, but I think I might be done with them. You're the one that always makes everything okay…" He paused almost wanting to tell her she was the one he loved, even if she weren't the one he was attracted to. "Would you rather have had Stan's baby?"

Karen sighed. "I loved Stanley when we were together. It's true…. But hell no that big fat baby would've torn me in half: before it was born!"

"I can't think of anyone I'd rather be doing this with Kare… Of anyone I'd rather make a new person with. Or raise a person with. It's perfect. We'll love it, and raise it…and teach it our values…"

"Which at the end of the day are no values at all!" Karen giggled. He smiled.

"And just think of it: this is our child…it's going to be just like us."

"It'll be so much prettier than Grace's baby, and if it's a girl, that'll be good

too."


	4. Promise

Ch 4 – Promise

Several Months Later - Thanksgiving

"Night Jackie." Karen sighed, burying her face in her pillow.

She closed her eyes tight, longing to seek solace in the quiet of night before the dawn's light eclipsed any peace she might steal, but Jack had no interest in going to sleep. He sat up next to her, reading in bed, wearing her fuzzy black robe, and wanting the one thing Stan had never wanted in bed… Conversation. Normally, she would've enjoyed indulging him in a little girl talk, but tonight, she was so nervous about what the morning would bring that she was scared to death. He didn't get that: he was over the moon excited.

"So, does your man ever dress in women's clothes?!" He asked, peering at her through the edge of his reading glasses, before turning his attention back to his Cosmo. She turned back over in bed, staring up at him blankly.

"I'll take that as a yes… " He said, preparing to move on. "Ooooh I like this one. If you pointed out a nice-looking guy to your man…"

Karen almost huffed, grumpily turning back over in bed.

"What's up with you?" He groaned, sick of her moodiness. "Aren't you excited about tomorrow? Kare?" He asked, resting his chin on her shoulder. "I can't wait! I mean… Sure I'd be alright with another son but… I'd really love to have a little girl."

"Yeah… A girl." She whispered quietly, tracing her fingers along the edge of her now very rounded stomach.

She felt him wrap his arms around her from behind, holding her close. Karen shut her eyes tight, a tear trickling down her cheek as she squeezed his arms in closer to her, pulling herself into a hug, wishing he understood how she felt about all of this. She wanted a daughter too, but her feelings were… Complicated. Karen put her hand over his as he caressed her middle.

"No honey, no kicking yet." She said, knowing what he was about to ask.

He was so excited about their child-to-be, and in a way, his enthusiasm overwhelmed her. She did, however, find his anticipation of the baby's first kick very sweet.

"Well do you think that, Kare… Kare? Good night Kare." He whispered, kissing her cheek from behind as she started to snore.

….

"Ooooh I can't wait, I can't wait. I can't wait!" Jack squealed, clapping his hands. "Kare I can't wait!"

"Honey I don't know if we should do this Thanksgiving thing…" Karen whined, waddling into the room. Rosario followed, overloaded with packages and suitcases. "I'm tired and everything I eat gives the baby the hiccups."

The next morning came too quickly for Karen's tastes. She was exhausted and discouraged, but Jack was over the moon. He felt he had everything in the world to be grateful for this Thanksgiving: a new life with his best friend, all the money in the world, a son in college and a brand new baby on the way. It wasn't the love of Kevin Bacon, but it would certainly do. Life was perfect, and Jack was on cloud nine about the day ahead. But Karen wanted to crawl back into bed. The last thing she wanted to do, following her ultrasound, was to go spend a long holiday weekend with Will and Grace.

She could see it now: Grace, not pregnant, jealous and skinny as a rail, stuffing her face, eating vastly more than the hormonal, newly sober, very pregnant Karen. Marilyn, drinking like, a fish: making her jealous. Will playing the part of the patriarch, carving the turkey. Jack schooling Elliot on table etiquette he did not possess … It would be much too irritating.

"Of course we should go!" He cried, getting up. "I feel very… In a family way." He giggled flirtatiously, placing his hands on her middle.

He knew she was miserable, and had been trying everything to make her feel better. Somewhere inside, Karen felt bad that his efforts would all be for not.

She sighed, "Jackie I'd be okay with just spending Thanksgiving here, you, me and Rosie…" She bit her lip, putting her hands over his gently.

"No lady, I need a vacation from you, let Wilma do the cooking and the serving." Rosario piped.

"Ha! You think you'll get out of serving me?!" Karen snapped.

Karen and Rosie were both drained: it'd been a very long five months for each of them, both wondered how they were supposed to handle the responsibility of raising a baby. Karen feared the emotional entanglements involved, and Rosie feared she and Karen would kill each other.

"Kare this means a lot to me." Jack began. "It's such a good opportunity to spend time with family, right after we get to find out what our baby's going to be, and then we get to tell Elliot he's going to be a big brother!"

Jack still hadn't told Elliot about the baby yet, having just seen him off to college days before finding out Karen was pregnant. They'd talked a few times since then, but he didn't feel this was something that should be said over the phone. Now that he was spending Thanksgiving with them, it was the perfect time and Jack was super excited.

Karen sighed, clearly displeased. Now that the depression had faded, she'd found she was growing into a new phase that was almost equally emotionally uncomfortable. Somehow, or another, she was nesting and just wanted to be home.

"Look, I know you two don't like each other…. But your family now."

Karen sighed. That was right. She did share blood with the kid now. She looked down at her stomach, Jack's hands still resting there, highlighting how much she'd grown in recent weeks. In that moment she started to sob.

"Kare? What's wrong?" He asked, concerned.

"I'm fat aren't I Jackie?"

He'd grown used to her mood-swings over the past few months, and usually found a way to ease them. When he didn't, he'd hide until another mood took over.

"Well, your boobs look particularly full today." He complimented, causing her to crack a smile.

"Awe get out of here." She giggled through her tears.

"No I mean it."

"Jackie." She giggled. "Can you?"

"Boop!" Jack giggled back, squeezing each of her breasts.

Jack and Karen's normal silliness had become something of a bigger habit since she'd been pregnant: her hormones dictated it, she craved it and he always gave in.

"You sick idiots." Rosie admonished, coming back in the room. "You can't behave that way with a little one watching."

"Isn't this what most straight parents do?" Jack raised an eyebrow. Karen stared back at Rosie; also thinking this was the case.

"Olivia and Mason never noticed." Karen remarked.

"Olivia and Mason knew you two were idiots. This one you'll have a bigger responsibility to. He'll want to do what you do. And I won't let you put weird ideas in the little one's head."

"Awe Rosie, little one that's so cute!" Jack gushed, liking the nickname.

"That's what I plan on calling it."

"Awe, Ro-Ro! That's so sweet!" Karen cried. Suddenly, bursting into tears.

"Karen, it's okay to stop crying." Jack said, wiping her tears with his thumbs.

She looked up at him and sniffled, all the love in the world in her big brown orbs. If nothing else, she was doing this with the loveliest man on earth. Karen paused and burst out crying once more.

….

"I can't wait I can't wait!" Jack clapped.

Karen sighed uncomfortably, the ultrasound gel a bit cold for her tastes. The mention of Olivia and Mason earlier had made her sad, hitting far too close to the real reason she was upset. She'd been such a poor excuse for a stepmother, pretending not to care when she did very much. She'd been self interested, and very often unsure of what to do, but it hadn't met she didn't feel love for them. She really had, and she wondered if they knew it.

Karen was deeply worried she'd do as poorly this time, and wondered if the emotional scars from her own childhood ran so deep that she'd not be able to connect emotionally with her biological child, just as she hadn't with her stepchildren. They were fears that ate up every moment of her day since the baby had started to grow, fears she'd managed to hide from Jack. Fears greatly exacerbated by the idea of having a daughter, rather than a son.

She took a deep breath as the baby appeared on the screen, thoughts of wasted time in her other life filling her head. She thought she might be sick.

"Hey Kare, look!" Jack whispered in her ear, beaconing her back to the present. "There our baby is!" He laid his head gently on top of hers.

Jack bit his lip in that moment, racking his brain in search of whatever it was that was bothering her. He wasn't as dumb as he wanted people to believe, and knew this was about so much more than just Grace. He longed to help her, and other than being there, and remaining enthusiastic about the baby, he didn't know how to fix whatever was wrong.

"Yeah, there it is…" She whispered faintly.

"You mean she?" The doctor chimed.

Jack and Karen looked up at once.

"It's a girl!" Jack cried joyfully.

"It's a girl." The doctor confirmed.

Jack kissed the top of Karen's head, as she stared back at the screen, not knowing if she'd ever been happier or more mortified at the same time.

…..

"Well, we thought it'd either be a little girl, or a little boy, but we knew it couldn't possibly be a lesbian." Jack gushed.

"W— I'm sorry what?" Will asked as he drove.

Jack was elated. He sighed almost dreamily. He and Karen sat in the back of Will's rented Range Rover as it plowed through a fresh batch of mountain snow.

"Aren't you so excited Kare, that we're having a little girl!"

"Of course you are." Grace muttered. Will shot her a warning glare.

"It's wonderful Jackie." Karen said quietly, her lack of enthusiasm catching Grace's ear.

Karen sighed, her heart heavy as she felt her baby rest under her hand. She'd also wanted a daughter, and yet the thought of her relationship with her own mother, and her stepdaughter seemed to spoil the good news. How could this relationship possibly be any different than those ones were? Karen was all over the place emotionally. It'd been, the wildest six months of her life.

First, she'd lost everything, then gotten the miracle of a second chance, one she'd always desired. But then came the added pressures of a new life: Jack had made her quit drinking. It'd been something she hadn't protested initially, simply for the sake of the baby, but it'd taken an toll on her she'd not expected, and left her tired and more emotionally raw than she'd ever been.

That, combined with raging hormones left her a shell of her former self at times. One minute, she was darkly depressed, the next sobbing for no particular reason, and the next gleefully happy. It was a rollercoaster that really tried her patience and strength and now that she'd felt like she was finally coming up for air the last thing she wanted to do was celebrate Thanksgiving with Will and Grace…. When Grace wasn't talking to her.

Feeling conflicted and not wanting to say much around Grace, Karen cradled her belly lightly with one hand and squeezed Jack's with the other. But her silence caught the redhead's attention: Grace looked back, raising an eyebrow. Karen sighed, her heart heavy.

"I don't know how." She whispered impossibly quietly. "But I'm going to be the best mommy you could ask for, okay?"

Jack and Will didn't hear her, but Grace did. 'Since when does Karen get emotional like that?' Grace did a double take, wondering if something was wrong… Not as if she cared.

"So have the two of you thought of any names yet?" Will asked.

"If these two come up with one more name I swear I'll name it myself." Rosie said, rising from her place hiding in the boot of the car.

"What my ex-wife is trying to say…"

"Is pick one already! You've got three good ones, the way I see it."

"Lily, Zoe and…"

"Maddie." Karen said. "She's just Maddie."

….

"Maddie! Really Kare?!" Jack clapped, excitedly.

It was a name he'd loved, and one they'd sparred over.

"I don't know." Karen sighed as Jack followed her toward the bathroom. "I kind of like it, but I was just trying to shut her up."

"Oh but Kare I love it, it makes us JKM!"

"Huh?" She asked, distracted.

"Duh! Jack, Karen, Madelyn, J-K-M!"

Karen shook her head and shut the bathroom door in his face. As far as she saw it, it would be a long, long weekend. At least she would get to share a bedroom with Jack because Grace refused to share with her. When Karen thought about it, she couldn't say she blamed her. After all, all Grace wanted for the holidays was to get pregnant. Karen sighed, plopping down on the bed next to Jack when she came out of their adjoining bathroom.

"You, me. Will, Grace." Jack laughed. "It's so… Straight." He almost cringed.

"Well thank you for putting up with it for my sake, honey." She said, lying down on the bed next to him.

They would go two to a room: Jack and Karen, Will and Grace, Elliot on the couch and finally (and oddly) Marilyn and Rosario.

"Oh always Kare. Remember what we decided a couple of years ago?"

"To be a couple, and have sex on the side, like old married people do, silly!"

"Because there's no one more perfect in the world for me than you."

Jack had yet to say it, because he didn't know how, but he longed to tell Karen he thought their having a child together was perfect. He couldn't think of anyone else he'd rather do it with. Karen smiled, her nose against his. She shut her eyes, wanting to fall asleep. Deep down it felt so nice to hear him say something so sweet. It soothed her soul and made her feel like she was doing the right thing when she was so overwhelmed.

"I wonder if that'll make a difference." She reflected, looking down at her middle. Karen was tired and allowed herself to sink into the mattress.

"Hum? Oh, that her mommy and daddy love each other?" Jack asked.

"Lets face it, we're a lot more in love than a lot of kid's parents." Karen actually thought this was sad.

"I wonder how Elliot feels about that."

"What do you mean honey?"

"Well, his mom loves him. And I love him… But we. _We_ don't love him. I don't even really know Bonnie."

"Yeah… That's right. Most kid's parents at least had a one night stand or a divorce or something."

Karen's moody depression started to fade and in that moment she grew very tired. She closed her eyes, nuzzling against Jack. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her in close to him as the phone began to ring.

"I'm fat and miserable." She muttered.

"But your hair's nice and full." He smiled.

"Jack, its for you!" Will called.

"Wouldn't it be JKL?" Karen questioned as he left the room.

"Lily." Rosario commented, passing the room.

"Lily Walker, eh." Karen criticized.

"What do you mean not invited?!" Jack shrieked.

….

"It's his loss." Karen soothed, running her fingers through his hair.

Will and Grace watched sadly from the doorway as Karen struggled to calm a frantic Jack. Crying, he kept his head in her lap, the edge her belly against his cheek. Now that one child was gone, he needed badly to be near the other. Karen cradled his head in her arms, almost hugging it. Jack's pain affected her deeply, hitting too close to her own worries about parenthood.

"We're here sweetheart." She held him tight, not noticing as Will and Grace still looked on sympathetically, both at a total loss for words.

"Oh my god Kare… I'm loosing my son. Just because of who I am! I'm basically married to a woman now for pete sake!" Jack's eyes welled with tears. "I don't understand how this could be! I mean he doesn't have to share all of my beliefs…. But couldn't he at least respect the fact that I brought him into the world because I wanted a leather jacket! But that now I love him with all my heart? Is that too much for a sperm donor father to ask!?"

"Honey, you've done everything you could for Elliot since he was th-three?" Karen questioned, confused.

Will sighed. "Thirteen."

"I just can't believe he's serious about this." Jack lamented, drying his eyes.

Jack had been anxiously anticipating his son's arrival when he received a phone call from him, stating that he wasn't coming. Instead, he'd spend Thanksgiving in Dallas with his future in-laws.

"Homophobic in-laws." Jack mumbled.

"Hey Maddie, can you give daddy a nice kick? Let him know you're there,

and that we love him to pieces."

Jack and Karen each paused a beat, feeling nothing of note emanating from her middle.

"I never even got to tell him he was going to have a baby sister."

"This one's _your_ baby Jackie, she'll always love you, because her mommy will always love you too. And no matter what, daddy will always be the most wonderful, strong, important man… To both of us."

Will's heart sunk as he stepped away, Grace following him back into the other room.

"Poor Jack." She said, her voice low. "What do we do?"

"What can we do?" Will questioned.

"Will… what if we have a kid and it rejects us…"

Sobriety had forced Karen to start facing a lot of unpleasant things about her past and her impending motherhood. They haunted her, and now she was further haunted by the fact that Jack was facing what she feared most: rejection by her child.

'How can I be strong for him?' She questioned herself as she continued running her fingers through his hair.

"Jackie honey… I know there are a lot of things left unsaid between me and my step kids… and you and your son. And me and my mom but… Honey I promise that some day there will be a time when you can say it: that you love him with all your heart, and a time when Elliot can hear it again."

Karen's own words soothed her deeply, for she knew that all things did come full circle. Meanwhile, Jack felt his heart sink. Was that really what was happening? Was Elliot duped and in love and unable to hear his father's voice? Or his mother's reasoning? Or the love each of them had for him? What Jack did not yet know, was that Bonnie had gotten the same response from Elliot that he had and she was ten thousand times more crushed.

"Until that time, love him in your own way and with all the love in that big, big daddy heart of yours. And while you wait, Maddie and I will do what we can to fill the void and love daddy to pieces." She promised sweetly.

"Maddie?" He questioned, looking back up at her, his tears slowing.

"Maddie." She smiled.

"Are you…"

"I'm sure. It's a sweet name honey, I… oooh!" She yelped in surprise.

"What was that?" Jack jumped back, sitting up and putting his hands in the air as if he were going to surrender.

"Honey I… I think it's a kick!" Karen squeaked, excited all of a sudden.

"A… She kicked!" Jack cried.

Karen nodded, taking his hand and putting it on her side. "Its her way of saying I love you daddy, and I love our family: no matter what. And mine too."

"I love you too Kare. So much."

Jack grabbed Karen and hugged her tight as both felt the baby continue to kick. The promise of a new family and a second chance the only things keeping their aching hearts from breaking in two.


	5. Baby Mama

Ch 5- Baby Mama

"She better open this door, I've really gotta pee!"

"Come on Kare. She's hurting. I know I don't know her well, but I think it's important we see her."

Jack paused, listening to Karen mumble back, practically whining at him as he knocked on Bonnie's door. A few weeks had passed since Elliot had told his parents he was marrying a conservative girl and cutting ties with both of them. In that time, Jack, who was still crushed, had managed to pull himself together enough to function. Bonnie (Elliot's mom), had put on a tough façade at first, but sunk into a deep depression that'd made Jack concerned, even over the phone.

Karen, meanwhile, had reached trimester three in that time, which ultimately met bigger backaches; stronger cravings and a pressing need for close proximity to a restroom. Bonnie opened the door and stood there staring at them a beat, her hair ruffled from lack of care, potato chip crumbs all along her front.

"Honey I know a good stylist for that, yeah." Karen said.

"Karen!" Jack warned.

"Oooh, honey let me squeeze by cause something's squeezin' me!" She laughed, pushing past the gravely depressed woman as she ran for the bathroom.

"Who'd she find to knock her up?" Bonnie asked, staring back toward the bathroom.

"Actually, guilty that'd be me." Jack giggled, raising his hand.

"Jack, you? How gay are you, really, that you have children with two different women?"

"Don't be silly, he's gayer than Elton's suits, I ruffled him and took his man jam." Karen joked as she came out of the bathroom, saying it as seriously as she possibly could.

"Look you two, enough with the jokes, what are you doing here?"

Bonnie ran her fingers through her hair, more chips falling out of them.

"Well we came to check on you, I'm worried about you Bonnie."

"You don't know me."

"No. But we do share a son."

"Yeah." Karen added, supporting her middle with both her hands. "You're his first baby mama."

"Jack… He's my son."

"Yeah? Without me, he wouldn't ever have been your son. I may be a sperm donor dad… but look at all the ways I've tried to be there Bonnie, money for school, clothes, dinners, movies, basketball games. You have know how hard those were for me Bonnie, I did my best to be a good male role model."

"Honey I think that's her job." Karen giggled. Bonnie shot back an angry glare.

"I love him more than anything, even if he doesn't love me … or you."

Bonnie put her head down and Jack jumped back, unsure if she'd pop back with anger or another crack claiming he wasn't a real father. Instead, Jack and Karen were shocked that she started to cry.

"It just hurts so much!"

"Oh, there dear." Jack said, hugging Bonnie. To his great surprise, she accepted the gesture.

"Where did I go wrong? Huh?"

"Well this carpet for starters." Karen shuttered, looking around the woman's apartment.

"Shuuu Karen, you're not helping! Oooh and neither does the carpet."

Bonnie dried her tears, ignoring their digs as she stepped over a carton of half-eaten KFC. It was clear that Bonnie could not function. Her normally spotless apartment had become something of a sty.

"Jack… You were always able to get through to him… On this other level I couldn't, he does love you."

"It's a father-son thing." He gushed like a schoolgirl.

"I always thought he and I were close, from the time he was a little baby we just … I never loved anybody so much in the whole world."

Karen grew silent, cradling her middle protectively. 'OH honey, please tell me we'll never be this way, you and me.' She thought, whishing the baby could hear what was on her heart.

"You were always so open with him about who you are. I can't help thinking this is your fault for telling him so much."

"Me?! No!"

"Or if it's mine… For not telling him about me, sooner."

"Bonnie you did what you thought was right. No one can blame you for that."

"Jack, why are you here?"

"Because I'm hurting just as much as you."

She laughed. "Just as much as me?! Did you carry him, did you stay up every night with him when he was little and sick and crying? Did you worry to death, everyday, did you work hard to put food on this table…"

"No. But if I'd been around, I sure would've. You gave me a beautiful son, Bonnie and it matters to me that you're okay: I know you can't be and I wanna be there for you."

….

They left Bonnie's a few hours later, promising to keep in touch. Both had devised a plan, hoping they cold get Elliot to see reason. Jack felt a little encouraged as he and Karen piled back into the limo together and driver took off for the manse.

"You okay Kare, you've been awfully quiet." He observed.

"Oh honey, I was just thinking. You don't think Maddie… You don't think she'll ever do anything silly, like dislike us for who we are, or the fact that we're not bringing her into the world's most average family, do you honey?"

"What was the one thing you wanted from your mom?"

"Stability." She admitted. "And you?"

"Acceptance. I think the key is loving her, and knowing her, and making sure she knows that no matter what, she feels loved and safe, that she knows she can tell us anything."

Karen giggled, "That's a good thought. She'll have best friends for parents of course she'll feel like she can say anything, duh. That sounds like a fun way to grow up, doesn't that sound like a fun way to grow up, Maddie Walker?" She baby-talked.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry…. WALKER?" He almost yelled, his voice squeaking as it raised several octaves in fury.

…..

"No, no, no, no! This is an outrage!" Jack cried, pacing the kitchen while Karen sat at the table, making herself a snack. "I want her to have my name!"

"Jackie…"

"I know the name Walker means a lot to you, that it's been your life. But she's _**my**_ little girl, not Stan's."

"Oh honey…"

"No. Karen. Don't honey me. This is where I draw a line. I'm outraged! So outraged it's making me feel… Manly. And I hate it!" He whined. "But this is important to me. She's _my_ little girl. Nobody's going to change that. Not you, not Stan. NOBODY."

"Honey I'm not trying to change that. I'd never want to change that."

Jack wasn't backing down on this. It was maybe the second time in his life that something like this had gripped him in this way… It was a powerful urge that felt otherworldly to him. He didn't like it. He didn't really even know what it was… Just that it had a life of its own and was, undoubtedly paternal in nature. The first and last time he'd felt this way had been when Elliot's mom tried to take him away and he'd put his foot down. He'd expected that kind of behavior when visiting Bonnie earlier, but he'd never expected it from Karen. In some way, it challenged his faith in her and that crushed him.

"Don't you dare honey me."

Jack was a passive guy, one who hadn't done much for himself in life, and was anything but forceful. Yet, as time went on, he found that he'd do anything for his kids: he'd be their fiercest protector. He'd do anything to be the one to get to love and treasure them … It'd been hard enough try to do that with a boy he hadn't raised, and would be even harder with a boy who was trying his best to cut ties with him. But with this child, it'd be different: she'd be his from the start. So, something inside of him raged against Karen's proposed name, it was a battle cry unlike any he'd ever felt. She was his baby, and she'd be a McFarland, come hell, or high water.

"Karen, she's mine! What are you thinking anyway?"

Karen got up and without a word, rushed out the door.

…

"I don't know my Maddie, what do you think?" Karen shivered.

It was freezing out and she sat on the edge of a central park bench eating chocolate ice cream. Karen cradled her middle, unsure as to what she'd really been thinking. It'd been so hard for her to give up control over their lives to Jack, now that he was the one with the money. It scared her to death. Somehow, naming the baby McFarland over Walker was like the ultimate in giving up to her.

"Honey, mommy is so confused." She admitted quietly. "But I met what I said earlier, please don't ever stop loving mommy, not over something so silly as what big brother has done."

Karen sighed sadly. She'd wanted Maddie to have a full family, in the way she hadn't and here she was, already estranged from her big brother… and she was still in the womb.

"Karen? What the hell!"

"Jackie honey I…" Karen looked up when someone called her name, automatically thinking it was Jack without really thinking, that was until her eyes made contact with a tall redheaded girl she'd helped raise. "Oh my… Olivia…"

…

"Where does she get off? Calling my baby Walker?!"

Jack paced back and forth angrily, like a boxer ready to punch.

"Jack I've never seen you so mad." Grace observed.

"Your darn right I'm mad!"

"Jack calm down." Will reasoned, not looking up from the scrabble board. "You can go to court over it."

"I don't know if I wanna do that…" He loved Karen the last thing he wanted to do was alienate her. "I just don't know why she would do this to me."

"She's Karen; she does whatever she wants." Will reminded.

….

"Karen you… wow. What the hell happened?"

By this time, Olivia had gotten ice cream and was sitting next to her former stepmother out of curiosity more than anything else.

"Yeah Olivia… I know." She acknowledged.

There were times when the whole thing was still weird for her, even though she was getting close to the end of the pregnancy.

"I mean I thought you weren't really the type to… I'm surprised you kept it."

Karen gulped, the comment hurt a little. "Honey I am, and I'm not. I really got this far, because of you."

"Wait, what, me?!"

"I got pregnant and I realized I didn't want to frantically pass this one off to a nanny like I did with you and Mason, that was a mistake."

Olivia was shocked she'd seldom seen this side to Karen but knew it was in there… Somewhere.

"I'm so sorry I wasn't a better stepmother to you Olivia. It's been bothering me a lot lately. There's a lot you don't know."

"Like what?"

Karen stared at the young woman for a moment, smiling to herself as she reached over and ran her fingers through her hair; she was surprised when Olivia didn't pull away.

"Like that I always really loved you and I don't think you ever knew it."

….

"If he doesn't talk it out with her, court is his option."

Will and Grace were busy with their game of scrabble, both of them unsettled by Jack's freak out.

"He can't take his baby mama to court, especially when she's pregnant that's awful!" Grace was disgusted.

"Baby mama?" Will raised an eyebrow.

"Well she is! Wait a second, you wouldn't take me…"

"Of course not! And neither of you classify as baby mamas… technically. Baby mama denotes no prior relationship."

Grace stuck out her tongue, not liking being disproved on this point.

"You're not mad at Karen anymore?" Will asked.

Grace sighed. "Do you think Karen would've ever asked to get pregnant?"

"Not in a million years."

"It's not her fault that she did and I haven't… I have a new years resolution for us."

"Oh?"

"Will. I think its time we give up… Or find out what's wrong with us."

"Nothing's…" He started to get upset.

"Think about it, we've been trying, and trying… and Jack and Karen had drunken sex one time."

"He is the only gay man I know who has that many biological kids without having ever been straight…" He considered, thinking that Jack was just extra fertile. "Alright, you have a point."

"On one condition."

"A condition? Grace it's your resolution!"

"You promise you won't take me to court." She started to laugh; he decided not to dignify the question with a response.

"I know you Gracie, you'll let our kid be a Truman… and in exchange he'll go to Hebrew school, and be in every kiddie production of fiddler… and it'll all be just perfect." He said, taking her hand. "Fine, I'll go see if something's wrong… cause I'm not giving up on having a family with you."

…

"You were better than mom. I knew you cared… somewhere in there, and she just pretended to. Dad always told me you did."

"He did?" Karen's heart skipped a beat.

She still loved Stanley even after everything that'd happened, she just couldn't help it. She wanted badly to see him again; it'd been almost a year. But being so pregnant, she figured she needed to wait.

"He said it was just your sense of humor, your way of loving. And maybe it is. Look I've got class, but…" Olivia bit her lip.

She lived nearby, and was a sophomore at Columbia, a revelation, which made Karen feel old, much too old to finally be having a baby.

"If that baby needs a big sister you know where to find me." Olivia couldn't believe she'd said it, but then again, she knew something Karen did not.

"I'd really like that. She could use a big sister." Karen was almost crying now.

"Bye Karen."

"Wait…"

Karen reached out, and grabbed Olivia's hand as she turned to walk away.

"Honey I just want you to remember that I love you for you, since the first time I met you, when you were just this tiny little thing." Karen looked up at her stepdaughter, tears in her eyes at the thought of the tiny Olivia she'd been introduced to so many years before, and then just simply pushed away. "Please let me make that up to you …. And please, don't tell your daddy about me being big, and fat, and pregnant … that's something I have to do on my own."

Olivia was stunned. Karen didn't know what had happened? The young woman wanted to cry. Instead she said nothing, squeezing Karen's hand back and kissing her forehead, deciding in that moment that she wouldn't be the one to break the news of her father's illness. It'd been the reason she was glad to see Karen, and so willing to forgive: soon, Karen would be the only real parent she had left, and Olivia was just as desperate for that to count for something.

"Sure thing." She promised, holding back tears. "I'll come see you when the baby comes."

Olivia left, her heart breaking. Stan was near death, for real this time, something Will and Rosario had decided to hide from Karen for the health of the pregnancy, knowing that the knowledge of his condition would break her heart. Olivia understood this without being told, knowing Karen must be without the aid of alcohol and uppers and knowing she wouldn't be able to handle any of this without them. The news simply had to wait until baby… baby what was born?

'Damn.' Olivia thought. 'I needed to ask who the father was!'

Karen sighed happily, feeling Maddie hiccup within her. Olivia's surprise visit left her feeling fulfilled, and more hopeful than she could've expected to feel, as if all was perfect and had been healed. She never expected to end the day with two daughters instead of one, to gain another precious second chance. She practically giggled, looking up as a single snowflake tumbled down from the sky.

"Come on Miss McFarland." She whispered, feeling Maddie kick. "Lets go find daddy and make it up to him."

….

Jack sat in the manse's library, brooding as he played with the queen on the chessboard. Conflicted, he had no idea what to do; only that he'd never been more upset in his life. He looked around at the house he'd taken possession of, like with Karen, he had a long history there but everything about the place was still Stanley Walker's.

"His house, his wife… and me and my kid." He muttered, taking the queen and toppling over the king.

"Jackie." Karen rushed in, stopping at the doorway.

He jumped, turning around to face her. She scared him at first, but he wouldn't admit to it. He stood tall, his figure more commanding than she'd ever seen it. For the first time ever, he intimidated her and she knew without a doubt that he was very angry.

"Karen I went to talk to Will when you were out."

"Oh…"

Karen swallowed hard, placing her hands on her middle protectively. Stan had put her through a lot and she knew this met he was considering legal action. She wouldn't put it past Stan… but her Jackie?

"Honey." She said. "Honey we have to talk about the baby's name."

"Is it because everything around here used to be Stan's?" He questioned sharply. "The house…. This queen." He said, indicating the chess piece. She raised an eyebrow, for a moment, thinking he'd been referring to himself. "You…"

Karen sighed; taking Jack's hand she forced him to sit on the chaise with her.

"I don't know… Usually when a mama's not married, these days, baby takes her name. I've been a Walker for a long time and so has everything else. Its hard to think about anything different."

"You forgot my last name again, didn't you?" He asked dryly.

"No…" She lied, she had for a while.

She took his hand and put it on her middle, Jack would've protested if it weren't for the sensation of Maddie bouncing back and forth, playing some kind of game.

"I saw Olivia today."

"Olivia!"

"We had a long talk … one I've been waiting for, and one I hope you get to have with Elliot."

Jack's heart started to race, while jealous of Stan, he also knew about his illness and was desperate to keep it from Karen, worried the fallout would affect both her and the baby dramatically. His mind rushed now, panicked that she could've found out something. Jack gulped, surprised to realize that even when he was so livid at Karen, he'd do anything to protect her.

"So how is Stan?" He asked quickly, needing to be sure she didn't know the truth.

"I-I don't know she didn't say…" Karen paused, realizing this was odd. "But seeing her just reminded me how much daddies mean to little girls."

Karen paused, recalling how much her world had changed without her own father; she knew she'd have had a far better life had he lived.

"Olivia has so much strength, all from the love Stan's shown her. I want that for my baby and I couldn't have chosen a better man for it, not even Stanley Walker."

Jack smiled, tears welling in his eyes. The comment met the world to him.

"Jackie." She smiled, taking his cheeks in her hands. "You're going to make a wonderful little girl daddy. Maddie's yours, and I'd never ever want to do anything to take that from her, or from you. I was being silly and stupid, and I'm so sorry. She has your name, with mommy's blessing."

"I- you mean it?!"

"Mommy means it, doesn't she, Maddie McFarland."

Jack squealed, hugging Karen tight.

"This means the world to me! Oh my god, Kare!" He gasped.

"What is it?"

"Kare what if the kids call her Madelyn McFairyland!"

Karen giggled. "Jackie, I think it'd be really cute!"


	6. Breathe

Ch 6 –

"Kare?" Jack asked carefully.

Karen took a deep breath, closing her eyes and luxuriating in the feel of just being held. Her back ached deeply and her head started to pound as the teacher called out instructions. She ran her hand over her now very round middle; doing her best to shut out the sound of the teacher's voice. She was so… winy and nasal.

'Who in the hell talks like that!' She wanted to scream.

Somehow, shutting out the sound was easy to do with Jack cradling her so gently he almost seemed to rock her, just as Maddie rocked back and forth within her.

"And out…" The teacher called, Karen's eyes flashing open at the sound.

"This woman is getting on my last nerve…" She muttered.

Karen exhaled just by pure coincidence; refusing to follow along with any of this, even with Jack's gentle encouragement.

"What Jackie?" She asked, allowing her weight to rest more fully on his frame.

Jack paused a beat, struggling to hold her up, her increased weight a bit much for him.

'Don't drop Karen and the baby, don't drop Karen and the baby, don't drop Karen and the baby…' He warned himself, knowing how badly she hurt. He never heard the end of it.

"You're doing real good." He encouraged, even though it wasn't the truth.

"Meh."

Karen was surprised at how good a coach he'd been so far, but nevertheless, Lamaze class was never the highlight of their week. The other couples made Jack and Karen queasy, and worse: caused them to worry that they were going to become like them. Now in her seventh month, Karen (and Jack with her) flipped out on Lamaze days. Seeing the other mothers made her think she was as fat as them, which made her extra moody (and Jack with her). As a result: the whole setting elicited a heightened sense of snarkiness from the already painfully snarky couple.

'I wouldn't touch any of these people with a ten foot mat…' She'd whispered on the first night, almost through gritted teeth as Jack helped her settle, first on her back on a thick yoga mat, and then between his legs. But regardless: here they were, week after week.

"Jackie?" She whispered. "Honey, am I that fat?" She asked, openly asking about Katie, one of the other mothers to be.

"Of course not Kare. Besides, what's it matter? They're newlyweds, their lives are over, they're just going to let themselves go anyway. And besides they're straight… they're never going to amount to anything fashion-wise." He observed, loudly enough for Katie and her husband Brian to hear.

The young; overtly love couple looked up angrily from their doting eye lock, both stopping mid-word as they whispered sweet things to each other.

"Will you two get a room!" Karen barked.

"Oh Kare, she's got the hiccups!" Jack interrupted, totally changing the subject.

"Oh! She does! Wasn't that funny of daddy to notice that Maddie?" She asked the baby, but baby-talked to Jack.

"Wasn't that funny of mommy not to notice?" He giggled back, rubbing his nose against hers.

Katie and Brian stared a beat, shaking their heads with refrain. The other couple's mushiness made Jack and Karen sick, but they'd yet to realize they were just as mushy.

"Quit with the mommy and daddy crap!" Rosario piped.

Rosie sat cross-legged at Karen's feet, knitting. Karen kicked her lightly.

"Quit with the backtalk and get breathing I'm not gonna learn this by not paying attention!" Karen barked as Rosario continued the Lamaze with the rest of the class.

Jack jumped, almost blushing when Kyle waived at him flirtatiously, his husband Danny shooting them both a dirty look as he tended to their surrogate.

"Oh honey he likes you…" Karen whispered.

"I know but…"

"Lay off Peggy Sue, he's mine for the next six months!" Karen warned, her voice growing deeper than anyone was used to hearing it.

Kyle backed off, alarmed, but Jack squeezed Karen close.

"Kare, are you okay you seem a bit grouchy today."

"Next we're going to work on overcoming pain through visualization." The teacher announced.

"Kare doesn't that sound like fun." Jack pat her knee, trying to sound excited.

"Bleh." She rolled her eyes.

"Now, close your eyes and take a deep breath." The teacher instructed.

"Come on Kare, just do it." Jack whispered.

"And I want you to go back, and imagine a situation, where you're pain free, and feeling well. Take another deep, cleansing breath. And now that you're calm, dwell on the place, or person, or the thing…" The teacher continued.

"Haha thing." Jack giggled in Karen's ear, causing her to laugh.

"Or on the calm, or the quiet or whatever it may be. Perhaps its where you had your honeymoon, or where you grew up, or a scene from your favorite movie..." The instructor suggested.

"Oooh, ooh Kare! Kare remember when we watched The Proposal last night and that scene where Ryan Reynolds was shirtless?!" Jack freaked out, like a deranged fangirl.

"Riiight behind ya honey." She sighed, her smile bright. "I think labor oughta feel just fine."

"You two are sick." Mariah spat.

Mariah and Melissa, a lesbian couple who sat just behind them, had had enough. Jack had insulted them one too many times, even for Karen's taste.

'Oh honey, just because they wear plaid isn't a reason to belittle them, it's the shoes that do it!' She'd said.

"The two of you are disgusting." Petra, charged. "You spend your entire time here just marginalizing everyone when you're a non-traditional couple yourself. You should be ashamed."

"And if you're not going to bother to learn, you should go." Her partner, James added. The very young hipster couple, who did everything ironically, made Jack and Karen feel very old.

"And why should I listen to you?" Karen asked. "You're just an embryo having a fetus."

"We're Harvard educated…."

"Embryo!" Karen called.

"Technically, it would be the other way around. They'd be the fetus', the baby would be the embryo." Sarah corrected.

Finally, there was George and Sarah, the preppiest people either of them had ever seen aside from Beverly Leslie. Jack and Karen's relationship with them wouldn't have been nearly as awkward had they not been convinced that George was gay, and had Karen not been 'warning' Sarah about his latent tendencies… much to Jack's dismay.

"What did you?' She sneered. "Graduate Magna cum laude at the Grace Adler School of dating?"

'Haha, cum.' Jack thought. "Haaa!" He screamed, noting Kyle had scooted closer to him and was running his finger up his arm. "Karen…"

"Back off!" Karen growled, getting more serious about this than anything she'd said up till now.

"The two of you are hypocrites, absolute hypocrites!" Danny charged, standing up, drawing the attention of the entire class. "I mean how 'gay,' are you Jack, look at you! You knocked up a _woman_." He said the word as if it were filth.

"Wha…?" Jack looked around, trying to act as if Danny were talking to someone else.

"When you weren't purposefully trying to have a baby!" Danny added.

The whole class gasped.

"We know Jack, we all know. We talk." Danny said.

"We?" Karen asked.

Jack put his hand over Karen's mouth, keeping her from questioning it further.

'Honey I just…' Jack heard her say.

"The gay community Jack: we know." Danny said. Jack gulped.

Jack saw the point immediately: here he was on the floor with a bunch of fatties, and a pregnant woman who couldn't sit up by herself, between his legs.

"Ow!" Jack cried, Karen biting his hand so he'd uncover her mouth.

"Alright, the two of you out." The teacher said, her hands on her hips.

"You can't kick us out I paid good money for this shitty class!" Karen cried.

"Fine then, you wanna stay? You'll go first in the next demonstration."

Jack helped Karen up, the two scurrying to the teacher's side.

"This doesn't look too bad Kare." He said when they were faced with a plastic doll, lying, on the top of a table. "In fact it's kind of cute."

"Now your first task, diaper changing."

Jack and Karen looked at each other, mortified.

"Come on honey lets go." She cried and in an instant, the two dashed out of the room and ran down the hall.

…

"How am I going to do this without a class?" Karen whined as Rosie poured her some tea.

"I don't know, with all the hours I put in, maybe I'll have to have it for you." Rosie raised an eyebrow, turning away.

Karen would've shot back but the visiting Olivia caught her eye. The girl had come for lunch and sat across from her former stepmother at the kitchen table, stuffing her face.

"Honey… honey what's up with this? What's going on?"

"What's up with what?" She asked, her mouth full. Olivia swallowed audibly, trying to act as if nothing out of the ordinary was happening.

"Come on you can tell me… You're pregnant aren't you?"

"No!" Olivia cried, her eyes growing wide as Jack came in.

She made the mistake of staring at him, just long enough to give her self away. Karen looked back and forth between them realizing something was going on.

"Oh no… " Rosie muttered.

"Wait… what's going on here? Jack, Rosario… You know! Why's she eating like that? She's skinny as a post!"

"Karen…" Olivia said, not wanting them to get Jack and Rosario in trouble. "Daddy's…"

"Daddy's what?" Karen asked quickly, her eyes flashing.

"He's dying Kare." Jack said quickly, not wanting Olivia to have to say it.

The girl burst out crying and ran out of the room.

"Oh my god…" Karen gasped, holding back tears.

"Kare…"

Without another word she ran out of the room.

…

"He's in a coma after a stroke." Will explained, sitting on the edge of Karen's ottoman, doing his best to compassionately explain Stan's situation.

Karen shook, tears streaming down her cheeks. Olivia sat at her side, holding her stepmother's hand. Jack stood in the back of the room, frantically signaling to Will that he should stop talking. Had it been up to him, he would've continued to hide Stan's condition from Karen for as long as possible, and was livid she'd found out. In his mind, stress on Karen met undue, and possibly harmful stress on his baby and that terrified him.

Karen said nothing as Will continued to explain, her whole body and soul numb to his words and even the frantic racing of her own heart. She'd already lost Stanley twice, how could she endure doing it again? Sure they were no longer together but that didn't mean much to her. She loved him enough that the simple fact that he was out there and breathing met that she was still, in some measure, his wife. Karen jumped when she felt Olivia squeeze her hand, and only responded in kind out of a deep need to connect with Stan. She closed her eyes, wanting so much to shut out everything Will was saying, to make t not be true. Her heart started to race even faster as she felt her breathing grow rapid.

"Karen? Karen?" Karen jumped again, coming back to attention when Will called her name a second time.

She gulped, her throat raw and her breathing shallow. She felt so panicked she thought she might be loosing grip with reality.

"How long?" She managed, swallowing hard.

"Well we don't know that…" Will tried to reason. Olivia put her head down, signaling the truth, once again.

"How long, Wilma?" She asked, tears spilling down her cheeks.

Karen covered her face and rushed out of the room when Will failed to answer. Without a word, Jack got up to catch up with her, but Will grabbed his arm.

"Give her a minute. I think she needs it." Will said.

Jack was beyond livid, unsure of what was coming over him. He wanted to punch Will and kick Olivia out of the house for letting the cat out of the bag.

'You had one job to do missy!' He wanted to scold.

"You didn't tell her the full truth, so tell me. Because I have to take care of her." Jack said, managing to calm himself.

Jack had been aware of Stan's condition, but he didn't know the specifics. Those were heavily guarded, and some of them had been difficult even for Olivia to obtain.

"Jack. It's not good. A stroke. Massive heart failure …. He's barely in there anymore... It's just a matter of time." Will bit his lip, realizing Olivia was still there. The girl put her head down, tears streaming down her cheeks.

…

Karen sobbed uncontrollably, almost gasping for air as she clung to the fabric, her face buried in silk sheets once shared with Stanley. Her mind rushed and at once begged some inexplicable force she neither believed in, nor heeded to for escape.

"Please God, please if you're there, I can't face loosing my Stanley all over again…" She whispered.

"Kare." Jack knocked on the door lightly.

His heart sunk, he'd never seen her so upset. He moved inside and the door eased open with a little squeak quickly drowned out by the sound of Karen's gut-wrenchingly loud tears. He stared at her for a moment, watching as she clung to the sheets in desperation, her face buried in the side of the bed that had once been Stan's: this was exactly what he'd been hoping to avoid.

"Oh Kare." He whispered.

This wasn't Karen sad. It was Karen crushed, finished, at the end of her emotional limit. Jack went and sat on the edge of the bed, placing his hand on his partner's quaking back, feeling the rapid, panicked pace of her heart.

"Shuu, it's okay I'm here, I'm here for you. I'll always be here for you, no matter what happens." He said, taking her in his arms and laying down beside her.

Karen wondered how true the statement was, their earlier run in with Danny and the over flirtatious Kyle had been a stark reminder of who Jack really was, and gotten her quietly thinking that he wouldn't be hers forever either. But in her deep sorrow, Karen found herself quickly nestling in Jack's embrace, burying her face in his chest. It wasn't Stanley, but Jack would be there… at least a while longer. Karen began to hyperventilate, feeling her anxiety peak.

"Shuuu it's alright. Please don't make yourself sick." He urged, rubbing little circles in her back.

Karen knew it wasn't true, but in the moment, felt she had nothing in the world left to live for, even the best friend who held her tight, and their little baby who danced happily inside her.

"The baby is depending on you Kare, the bab…"

"Owww." She hissed suddenly, grabbing his shoulder.

Karen shut her eyes; feeling something tighten deep inside, then inflict her with a sharp, rapid pain. Jack's eyes grew a million miles wide as his heart dropped.

'Oh no, no, no, no…. I'll kill Stanley Walker myself for doing this, this can't be!' Jack's mind raced.

Instead, Jack gulped. "Kare?" He asked, starting to panic.

"Ahh!" She yelped, clutching his shoulder.

"What's happening?!"

"Oh my God Jackie…" Karen's voice grew oddly soft, her sorrow taking on, a totally different tone as she started to cry again. "I think something's not right with our Maddie…"


	7. Time To Say Goodbye

Ch 7 – Time To Say Goodbye

Karen took a deep breath, trying to ease the pain that ripped through her lower back as she watched Jack frantically run after a nurse from her place in the wheelchair, snapping at the woman hysterically.

"Why haven't we been helped yet, my girlfriend's eight weeks away!" He screeched.

'Girlfriend…' Karen wondered why he'd use that term, the thought momentarily pulling her out of her terrified state.

"Sir you'll have to calm down…" The nurse urged as they walked back toward her.

The moment he was within reach again, Karen took Jack's fingers, squeezing them tight as she did her best to focus on her breathing. Her hysterical sobbing fit had faded away, but she was more terrified than ever at the thought of loosing her baby and her husband at the same time. Karen swallowed hard, her heart beating so fast she thought it might simply stop.

'It's my fault, it's all my fault.' She thought, yelping aloud as her pain increased. Jack ignored her cries, continuing to desperately fight with the nurse.

"But my!" He squeaked, his tone so high it was almost inaudible. "I will not calm down! That's my baby!"

"It's first come first serve, Sir…"

"This isn't a restaurant it's a hospital!"

Karen could barely make sense of his words throughout most of this, and tried to shut them out as he ran around, panicking like a chicken with its head cut off, only making her more upset. She surveyed the hospital's reception area, clutching the edge of the wheelchair and trying to get up, Stan still not having left her mind either. She had to say goodbye.

"Woah where do you think you're going?" Will emphasized, catching Karen just in time as he walked in.

He took her by the shoulders and gently eased her back into the chair.

Inside, Karen sighed. She never wanted to admit it, but Will always calmed her.

"Must… ooooh." She hissed. "Find. Ooooh Stanley…!"

"Karen you might be in premature labor you can't…"

"Don't you think I know that, Wilma." She glared back at him hatefully, clutching the sides of the wheelchair. She loathed him in that moment more than she could say. How dare he speak her biggest fear into existence. "I love my baby more than anything in the world. And I'm scared to death: she's not coming out, not todaaaay!"

Despite her angry words, Karen grabbed for Will's hand for comfort, and he took it, assumingly.

"It's alright, it's going to be okay I promise."

She said nothing for a beat, this time looking back with terror in her tear-filled eyes. "You have to let me see him, one last time. Even if he isn't there, I know he'll hear me."

The truth was, Maddie was still foremost on her mind, but she knew just the mere sight of Stanley would calm her down enough to help the baby. Will said nothing, considering this, as a nurse finally approached Karen, Jack at her heels.

"Alright Mrs. Walker, lets see what's going on with you. We'll do everything we can to keep baby happy and safely tucked away inside, okay? Dad, would you like to come with?" She asked turning to Will.

"Oh, no actually he's…"

Will, Karen and the nurse all turned as Will gestured toward a panicked Jack who continued to overreact, in the most overdramatic, effeminate way on the desk nurse as he filled out a pile of papers.

"Really?" She asked.

Karen paused a beat. "I get fat, he gets the mood swings."

…

Grace sat in the waiting room, looking around paranoid and frantic. She clutched the chair, then jumped, disgusted by the possibility of ER germs.

"Ohmygod I did this… I wished this on Karen and the baby!" She cried, turning to Will.

"Grace… Shut up and go eat some cafeteria pie." He said simply.

"Ooh there's pie!" She cried, rushing off.

"Jack, it's going to be okay." Will soothed, rubbing his friend's back.

Jack cried, his face in his hands. He appreciated the comfort Will brought, but didn't think he could possibly understand how terrified he was. Having just lost his son, Jack couldn't stand the probable loss of the daughter he already loved so much.

'Oh please God… if there even is a God…' Jack's heart whispered quietly.

"Then why won't they let me see her?!" Jack thundered audibly, pulling away from Will.

Will gulped, not really knowing what to say to ease his friend's fears. "Because they're doing everything they can for her: for both of them."

"Will…. I know what this will do to me if…."

"You don't have to say it."

"I know what it'll do to Kare: Will I couldn't stand to loose her too."

…

Karen woke in a daze, her vision so blurry she couldn't make out the tiles in the ceiling.

"Wha-what's, what's going on?" She asked breathlessly, the question going unanswered.

She gasped, her breathing shallow as she reached down to touch her belly, her heart dropping upon the realization that the whole of her was totally numb, a sensation that caused her to panic all over again.

'Oh my God. W-what'd they give me that I can't feel anything?' She asked herself as her eyes finally opened just a sliver, light pouring in just as she became aware of a little beeping sound off in the distance.

Karen turned ever so slightly, lying back in her pillows and realizing the sound was coming from the heart monitor at her side. At first, she thought it was simply the sound of her own beating heart, and in the back of her mind, she'd cursed it's steady rhythm, unable to fully process the slowly forming thought of what'd really happened: she'd lost the baby.

"No, no it can't, no I can't face this… Please!" She cried out loud, desperate for solace and to block the inevitable from her mind.

She'd been given one job: the task of protecting this precious person. She'd done it all right, right from the moment the strip turned blue. She'd done the impossible, and surrendered her vices for the sake of this tiny person she'd never met… and here she was: just where she'd always been without the pills and the alcohol: alone, venerable and scared to death.

"Mommy was going to do the unthinkable for you… " She moaned, tears sliding down her cheeks. "What she'd refused to do for anyone else… She'd have done anything for you and she's so, so sorry, Madelyn McFarland."

Karen began to weep, unable to keep her eyes from opening even though she longed to remain in the dark. Bright hospital light pried her tired lids open just a bit further, the heart monitor coming into view. It was then she saw it: two little lines pounding steadily, one of them not her own, and her rounded belly, still very much intact.

"Ha!" She gasped, her still foggy eyes sprouting tears of infinite joy. "Oh! Oh Maddie! Maddie you're here! Sweetheart you're still here!" She squealed, relishing the sound of her daughter's heart beating steadily. Karen continued to cry, having never felt such relief in her life. "Hi my strong little girl." She cried, her squeaky voice barely above a whisper. "Mommy's so sorry she didn't put you first, you matter to her more than anything in the whole world, and she'll never let anything come before you again. Never ever, ever."

It was a weighty promise, one she knew she could never keep: but she'd sure as hell try at least for a while.

"Kare…" Jack knocked on the door.

He shook a little, having not been told what to expect, only that he could see his "girlfriend" now. Despite his fear, he'd taken a moment to laugh at the nurse for actually thinking he could possibly be straight, then rushed down the hall as quickly as he could.

"Hi honey, come sit with us." She squeaked, wanting him to know right away. "Mommy was just telling Maddie she was so sorry."

"Kare she made it!" He burst excitedly. Karen nodded, her smile bright, tears in her eyes as Jack ran to hug her.

Without a word, Jack jumped into bed, his legs crossing almost mid air in the "pajama party" position. He grabbed her, pulling her in close and kissing her cheek. Still physically numb, she wrapped her arms as tight around him as she could, barely feeling a thing, but longing to feel the warmth of his hug.

"Oh Kare I'm so happy, I'm so happy I could scream!"

Jack and Karen giggled amid their tears, almost laughing like little kids and happy to just be together: best friends, still expecting their baby. Smiling she bit her lip and closed her eyes, her nose touching his. For a moment, she was so relieved she forgot about Stanley. Almost.

"Jackie. I'm so sorry for what I almost did to our baby. I let myself get too upset. I put my feelings for Stanley in a place they didn't deserve to be anymore."

Jack sighed. "He was your husband, you loved him."

"I do love him." She corrected quickly, her nose still touching his. "But Maddie is my baby, I owe more to her than to anyone in the world. You have that right about her Jackie, you'll make an incredible daddy and I'm so sorry I almost let that be taken from you."

"All that matters to me is that my girls are okay. Really."

He tucked her hair behind her ear, gulping. Jack didn't voice it, because he didn't know how to even reconcile it: but he found himself jealous of her feelings for Stan. He knew that was misplaced, and moreover it frightened him.

"You see, you're not the man Stanley Walker is." She told him.

"Oh…" Jack was puzzled, and more hurt by the comment than he wanted to let on.

He may not have been the manliest of men by any measure, but with all he'd done and how much he'd crushed her, how could she possibly think Stanley was the _better_ man? Moreover, he'd somehow done the thing she'd always wanted, the thing Stan had been unable to do: he made her a mother.

She gently cupped his cheek in her hand. "My Jackie is so compassionate, and loyal, and loving … and always here when I need him." Jack smiled, now understanding that her comment had been complimentary. "You're ten times the man he is… and ten times the partner too…."

"Oh Karen…" Jack had wanted to make a fat joke about Stan when she'd he was ten times the man, but refrained, touched by her words.

"Ooh!" She yelped, the feeling in her middle starting to return. She took his hand, placing it on her midsection. "Daddy feel: she's kicking again."

The motion of Maddie

moving under his touch took Jack's breath away and calmed his soul, assuring him she was fine. He smiled at Karen, more relieved than he could possibly say and scooted closer to her, wrapping his arm around her as they laid down, the exhausted, grateful parents settling into the pillows.

Will and Grace watched from the door as Jack's eyes welled with tears, his grateful heart swelling to where he could barely speak. He lovingly rested his forehead against Karen's and she sighed, at peace with her Jackie and their baby.

"I love you poodle." She whispered just quietly enough for him to hear, and no one else.

"I love you more." He whispered, waiting a beat before leaning in and kissing her.

…

Jack lay awake in the pitch-dark hospital room, holding Karen tight as she snored softly, her lips formed into a soft half smile. He cradled her as he watched their daughter's heart beat steadily on the monitor at his side, going _thump-tha-thump-tha-thump_. Karen sighed, her smile widening as she placed her face on his chest. She settled in, hugging him in her sleep and he could tell without question that she felt wholly safe in his embrace. The idea awed him, making him feel powerful and strong… and he liked it more than he could say.

Jack studied his best friend, running his fingers through her hair as he held her, not looking up even as a figure encroached; it's shadow occluding the little bit of light that came in from the hall.

"You okay in here Jack?" Will asked.

"I just never thought a woman could mean this much to me… Even this one." He reflected, not looking up from Karen.

Jack didn't know what to think or feel, not truly knowing if his strong feelings came from deep gratitude that Karen and the baby would be alright, or from the one thing he thought he'd never find in a woman… true love.

"I can't believe I could've lost both my girls today." He reflected very seriously, still blown away by the thought. For Jack, loosing his girls would mean loosing his whole life now: it would be the destruction of every happy chance for the future.

Will bit his lip as he sat in the chair at his friend's side, not knowing what to think of Jack's obvious feelings for Karen. He wouldn't say it, but he found them misguided. He wanted to tell him that she was not "the one", and that any feelings he might have had were strictly platonic… or even sisterly. But given what'd happened that day, Will kept his mouth shut and focused on the difficult business at hand.

"I came to talk about Stan." He confessed.

Jack's heart sank, knowing Karen couldn't take anymore of Stan now, and frankly neither could he. "This." He said, "Is why I didn't want her to know until after the baby… She loved him very much and whenever…"

"There will be no after." Will interjected quickly.

Jack looked up finally, his face falling, concern written across his brow. "No. No he'll get through, he always does. I remember once when I was married to Rosie, he choked on this ham sandwich…"

"Jack… He's going. He's got a few weeks at best: maybe less. It'll be hard: but you've gotta let her say goodbye. Or she'll hate you forever for it."


	8. Time To Say Goodbye, Part II

Ch 8 – Time To Say Goodbye, Part II

"Oh honey, can you just stay close to me?" Karen whispered. "It'll be any hour now."

She closed her eyes, holding Jack's arms close as he cradled her from behind. The best friends were elated to be home together, in bed with their baby, but neither had any real peace on their hearts. A full two days had gone by, and Jack still hadn't found the words he needed to bring up Stanley. How could he when his child was now at risk? Karen sighed, pulling his arms closer to her rounded frame, resting her head in the pillow as her heart raced.

The pair lie still in the dark, waiting for the phone to ring, the mood in the air morose. Karen was desperate and Jack, guilty beyond measure. Karen had been sent home from the hospital just as they'd been told Stanley only had a few days, or even hours left. Jack would never forget the way her eyes rested hopelessly transfixed on Stan's hospital doorway, as they passed. Her gaze not averting as long as they were within eyeshot.

' _Please honey…'_ She'd said, willing him to stop the wheelchair she was in. _'I just want to say goodbye..'_

But Jack, and the nurse who escorted them out, paid no mind to her request, the heartbreak in her voice still ringing in Jack's ears as he held her. The news of Stan's imamate passing had been trumped by Karen's own delicate condition. The baby still had two months left before it could be born safely, and Jack and Karen had left the hospital with the alarming news that the pregnancy itself was at risk. As someone of a very advanced maternal age, Karen's blood pressure had skyrocketed under the strain of Stanley's illness, and despite being far from a safe birth, she'd started to dilate already, a description that both disgusted, then panicked an already frantic Jack.

' _Mr. McFarland all it means is that her cervix is…'_ The doctor attempted to explain.

' _Ew, ew girl parts! Man, terms please!'_ Jack cried, trying to shut out terms like cervix and womb… and worse.

But then, the doctor had dropped the real bomb. _'Karen will have to stay off her feet, almost for the duration if she has any hope of staying pregnant…'_

Karen would always remember going numb when he said it. She'd started to stare off as if having an out of body experience, her whole psyche turning inward on itself in a state of panic and blame. Her heart, blood and mind raced; as Jack freaked out and the doctor continued to talk.

' _Mr. McFarland… Jack. Calm down! Karen needs your strength. You need to do your best to mitigate any added stress on her. Stress is what has the strongest chance of causing real labor to begin. And I warn you that could happen any time…'_

Karen's eyes started to well with tears, as Jack hurriedly followed the doctor out of the room, highly alarmed by the last thing he'd said. Karen's heart tanked in that moment; and for a beat she thought for sure there would be no hope.

' _Oh my God…' She whispered, caressing her middle. 'I'm going to lose them both…'_ Karen would never feel more broken than she did in that moment: losing her husband and her baby at once would simply be too much.

' _S-she can't have added stress?!_ ' Jack practically laughed. Karen put her head down, unable to help but listen to him go nuts in the hall.'How am I supposed to keep her from stress? Her freakin' husband's dying down the hall!'

Now, two nights later, Jack lay wide awake, preoccupied with the doctor's words and the notion that she needed his strength. What strength? He hugged her tight from behind, nestling his head in the crook of her neck. She sighed, the worry on her heart softened by his warm embrace. A tear ran down Jack's cheek as he ran his hand gently across her belly, her own hand rising to meet his as they felt Maddie kick.

Jack gulped, noting it was such a strong punch for such a tiny person. How in the world was he supposed to protect her when hope seemed fleeting? The clocked ticked slowly, striking six-thirty.

' _How many more ticks_ , _'_ He thought, _'Before the inevitable…'_

You see, Jack had kept Karen from seeing Stan, but the couple lie waiting, expecting the call that death was imminent and when he was about to go, Karen had decided she wanted to be there to say goodbye. Jack was more than apprehensive about this. He was not used to having an upper hand over Karen; and now that he had one, he was somewhat intimidated at the thought of wielding its power. He couldn't just forbid her from saying goodbye to her own husband, could he?

Jack had deeply mixed feelings about the whole Stan thing. On one hand, he agreed she needed to say goodbye. Hell, even he wanted to say goodbye to Stan. On the other, he was mortified at the idea that in allowing Karen that closure, he'd be handing his own child over to an uncertain fate. The way he saw it, Stan had everything in life: great kids, a beautiful wife, wealth, and success beyond measure…. Jack had always been alone, he'd never found success or love from a man… who wasn't Will….

He'd lost his son, and now he had this chance in his unborn daughter to love unconditionally, and a chance, in another man's wife, to share his life with someone he loved.

Jack felt Maddie give him a strong kick, reminding him that he couldn't possibly give all that up, or risk his daughter's little life for someone who'd always had it all. Jack didn't know where his strength was, but he did know he drew considerable courage from just the hope he found in his daughter.

Jack's heart broke as the clock ticked again; knowing that whenever the time came, whether she went to see him or not…. He couldn't do anything to prevent the fact that Karen's own heartache might just mean the end for Maddie.

Karen also found herself deeply conflicted by her need to say goodbye to her ex. While she was in the hospital; she couldn't wait to get away from Stanley, who lay comatose and dying not far from where she'd been bedridden. She could feel his presence; it tore her apart inside. The love of her life was so near, and yet so far away it was if he were in another world. Karen knew they'd never really meet again but was desperate to see him one last time. She felt guilty for the longing she felt, finding that every time the baby moved, she couldn't shake the little wish her heart made: the one that pined for the little one growing inside of her to be part Stanley Walker, and not part Jack McFarland.

Karen cursed herself for the thought. In unborn Maddie, she'd received a beautiful blessing: a daughter with her best friend in the world, a family, that somehow would be far less complicated than a new Walker branch would've ever been. Stanley's child would've offered controversy, a clash with its older siblings, and even with its father. But Jack's child brought the promise of love and a road ahead that seemed…. Somehow just right. Even if it made no sense. Karen was torn: her longing for Stan weighed on her; but her love for Maddie was somehow stronger.

Karen turned over, and hugged Jack tight, her middle now wedged between them as the baby kicked: her tummy against his. The best friends said little, each stewing in their own worry. Jack sighed, comforted by the embrace of his family, and feeling as if he might fall asleep, despite the fear and indecision in his heart. Karen hugged him tight, tears streaming down her cheeks as she wondered if she could will her own heart not to break.

'You can do it… How many years have you spent willing yourself not to feel…' She wondered.

But this was too much. This was the love of her life, multiple times over. One under her heart, one in her arms, the other across town breathing his last. How on earth was she supposed to choose between her husband and her child? How could she even begin to protect Maddie regardless of what happened and when … Before Karen knew it, she started to cry, too sad and overwhelmed to keep it in any longer.

She didn't have to say a word or even shed a tear: Jack knew her pain, and replied in kind, pulling her in impossibly close and caressing her hair gently. She closed her eyes deep, the tears flowing faster at the realization that she was pretending his puny, but loving arms, were Stan's big, strong ones. The clock ticked impossibly loudly, neither of them daring to breathe.

"I'll be right there with you." He whispered, the strength in his voice characteristic. "Every step of the way. No matter what happens Karen. I won't ever leave your side."

"Honey I-I-I can't…" She choked. "Please let me say goodbye. It's ti-time to say goodbye."

And with that; the phone began to ring.


	9. Till We Meet Again

Ch 9 – Till We Meet Again

Jack watched, his heavy heart racing madly as Karen's hand slipped out of his own.

"I… it can't be." He whispered to himself, knowing he'd failed.

It'd taken everything in him, and he'd still failed in keeping Karen from coming to the hospital to see Stanley in his last moments, and in his eyes that met he'd failed to protect his unborn daughter. He gulped, noting that he shook, his hand still extended: poised to grasp one that'd slipped out of his own far too easily. Frustrated, and more hurt than he wanted to admit, he clutched his fist hard in veiled anger and took a breath, peering into the room.

"Oh Kare." He whispered, watching the mother of his child sink to her knees as her husband's bedside.

"Oh Stanley." Karen cried softly, running her hand over his chest. Stan lay comatose, not truly there with her, no matter how much she wanted him to be.

Jack watched sadly through the little window in the hospital room door. She wanted her privacy during her last moments with her husband, and that he understood, but he didn't feel like he could really be too far away. This was taking a toll on her he did not like, one she would not acknowledge. As Stan got worse, so did Karen's false labor pains. As Stan drew closer to his end, so did Karen's real labor. The doctor had advised her to rest, to try not to let it get to her, but she was heartbroken and obsessed. This all distressed Jack greatly, especially given that the baby was still safely weeks away.

Jack watched his partner carefully, afraid her pain might cause them their daughter. Karen took Stan's massive hand, squeezing it in her own, running her fingers over his knuckles where his ring once was. She brought it up to her cheek and just closed her eyes, taking him in, knowing it would be last time she'd sit at his side. Her tears covered his hands.

"I love you so much. No matter what happened between us, no matter what you've done, no matter how much you've hurt me. For always, and forever for richer or for richer or poorer Stanley Walker."

Karen gulped, a giant kick raddling her insides. Karen was more aware than Jack realized, of the fact that the more upset she became, the more Maddie got upset too. She took a deep breath, the baby's presence calling her back to what lay ahead for her. She'd come to say goodbye to the ex-husband she'd never fallen out of love, with and found, she couldn't bear to tell him about her little blessing. She'd knew he could hear her and wanted to leave it just the way it always was. So, she held Stan's hand with one hand, and cradled Maddie with the other, a fresh batch of tears trailing down her cheeks.

"I just want you to know, I'll be here with you, as your wife till the end Stanley. I never truly wanted to say goodbye." She choked.

'Why couldn't it have been you?' She wondered. She'd always wanted Stanley's baby and for some reason been unable to have one with him.

Something in her begged for him to stir once more, even if it were just to dry a single one of her tears or squeeze her hand back in acknowledgement but Mr. Walker remained silent and still. Maddie's extreme movement contrasted Stan's stillness so greatly that Karen thought her cold heart might burst in sheer sorrow, for she felt herself at the very nexus between life and death.

Karen jumped as Maddie kicked her again, she wanted to acknowledge it, to ask the baby to stop just long enough for her to have a moment of silence but bit her lip. Stan couldn't know, it'd hurt him too.

Jack put his head down, noting the way she caressed both Stan and her swollen middle. She couldn't hide in that moment that she wished the baby were Stan's, part of Jack understood the notion and part of him was just crushed. For a moment he acknowledged his own confused feelings about the woman before him, then tossed them away, unable to consider that he might feel more for her than he could handle.

"Remember our song, what was it honey?" She asked Stan.

Karen began to sing, knowing it was the only thing that might calm both the beloved individuals within her grasp. Sure enough, Maddie calmed at her mother's rendition of I will Always love you. Outside, Jack gushed, it was one of Whitney Huston's best after all.

"Thank you, God, for assuring me I'm still gay." He sighed a breath of relief.

Karen kept on singing, Stan's breath slowing at the sound of her voice.

"It's alright honey." She said, squeezing his hand, knowing the inevitable was near. "I love you Mr. Walker, I'll see you on the other side."

Karen leaned down, kissing Stan one last time as his heart monitor started to flatline.


	10. The Spectacle of Pregnancy

Ch 10 – The Spectacle of Pregnancy

"Am I even a widow, Jackie?"

Karen wasn't sure she could handle the funeral, and Jack didn't want her to.

'Please,' he thought, 'decide not to go.'

But Jack knew he was powerless. He could never dissuade her from attending Stan's funeral, and moreover, he knew he didn't have the right to try. Instead, he'd nursed the mother of his child through the long, hard days that came after Stan's passing, hoping and praying that they would all make it through. Karen had been belligerent, and miserable, clingy, heartsick and everything in between.

The first hour had passed so painfully slowly.

Nurses rushed in the moment Stan's heart monitor went flat, trying desperately to revive the enormous multi-millionaire. Karen's tears slowed as they worked and she, knowing in her gut that their efforts were futile, climbed on top of him, and clung desperately, as if the effort would mean she'd never have to let him go. Karen's stone silence and refusal to move, speak, cry, or seemingly even breathe, had stunned Jack. She closed her eyes, tears easing out onto her cheeks as she felt the warmth leave her former love's body. She clung to him tighter as the nurses worked, shutting out the sound of their commands, and finally the words: 'time of death' …. as if she was trying her best to hold on to Stanley, to keep even seconds from passing after he had.

In the first hour, Karen refused to leave his side, even after he was long gone. Jack watched with a careful eye, stunned and afraid to approach as she lay there, catatonic atop her former, dead lover. When they finally moved the body, Karen remained, curled up in a partial fetal position, refusing to leave him, even after he'd had been taken and she'd been left by herself on the bed.

Jack would never forget the panic, or sadness that overcame him as he watched Karen through the hospital room door, unable to say, or do anything to come to aid her as she lay there, catatonic, and barely even breathing. Jack longed to act, but knew his Karen so well, that to him, her silence said more than a fit of tears ever could.

Even if he approached; he knew without a doubt that he'd be turned away. In that first hour, Karen shut out the world, and refused to allow anyone to comfort her or come near her, for fear that any attempt to fill the gaping void that now consumed her, would mean that she'd have to look forward and start, even then, to move on.

She could not do that.

Finally, it was Maddie who brought her mother out of her stunned state. Waking with the hiccups, Karen felt new life stir inside her; even as all feeling of life seemed flee from her own being. And it was simply too much to bare. With Maddie's kick, reality seemed to strike. Starting to sob, Karen let her body shake uncontrollably as she bawled.

Jack rushed in, curling up on the bed with her; picking up the pieces as he always did. She'd said nothing but accepted his embrace eagerly. She cried herself to sleep in his arms, that night, and had every night thereafter.

Now, two weeks later, they'd finally reached the day of the funeral. Karen was still a mess, but Jack was elated that at least her extreme duress had not seemed to cause their daughter any harm. She was still growing like a weed and due to be born, in just a less than a month.

They were in the home stretch.

"Of course, you're a widow Kare." He soothed, putting her pearls around her neck.

Karen was so worn out; both from the death and the increasing burdens brought forth by the unborn baby. She had yet to say it but, was convinced that either her husband's exit from the world, or her daughter's entrance into it would finish her off.

"You're pretty Kare." He tried to encourage, fluffing up her hair.

"I'm fat." She lamented. "And everyone's gonna see me. That bitch, Kathy, Lorraine…"

Karen sighed. It wasn't the weight. It was the spectacle of pregnancy, at her age, by a gay man, at her husband's funeral.

…..

"Well, it looks as if mummy really is mummy." She winced, hearing Lorraine utter from behind her.

Karen scooted closer to Jack, staring straight ahead, and trying her best to ignore the obvious stares, sneers, and whispers within her periphery.

"It's okay Kare, we're in this together. You're not alone and you never will be." Jack emphasized, squeezing her hand.

Karen was numb and frantic all at once. Her mind swam as the funeral began, and with another man at her side, and his child under her heart, she almost didn't feel she had the right to play the grieving widow.

'Stanley did _so_ much to hurt you.' A quiet voice reminded her. 'Don't feel bad about being with someone who makes you happy…' Karen squeezed Jack's hand, causing him to reach over and take her other hand in his also.

As if sensing her angst, Grace scooted in close to her on her other side. For once, Karen didn't feel the need to quip, or snap, and simply sighed, feeling comforted to be loved, all around in the midst of such spectacular pain.

….

Jack was relieved to get through the funeral and the wake without Karen breaking down, or worse, going into labor. Now, many hours later, she lay awake, drawing circles on her belly with her fingertips as, releaved after weeks worth of worrying, tried to get to sleep.

"Jackie honey?"

"Hmmm?" He muttered, luxuriating in the feel of his sleep mask and newly moisturized face.

"Honey I…" She paused. "Honey do you remember being in bed with me?"

"Ha-what?!" He exclaimed, sitting up, haphazardly pulling off the mask.

Jack's eyes popped open in terror. Why in the world would she ask _that_?! And on the night of her husband's funeral. The inquiry jarred him, making all the hair on his body stand on end. The recollection made him queasy for a multitude of reasons, and despite the incident being a life changing one, he did not like to dwell on it. He took in a deep breath, nearly gulping as the baby kicked him hard in the gut, reminding him of the consequences of his own actions.

"I don't feel like I remember as much as you." She considered honestly.

And somehow, she did not. Jack wasn't really sure what he'd been thinking at the time, but in hindsight, he remembered it all too vividly. Everything had blurred together and for a good chunk of it; he'd been unsure of where he was, or who he was with, or what was really happening. Upon thinking about it, he was sure that whatever he'd consumed that night had been laced with something.

"So?" She asked. "What happened? I wanna know the juicy deats Poodle. Mama doesn't remember."

Jack gulped, unsure of what to say. It was all far less complicated for her than it was for him. Months later, and with the consequences being what they were: Jack found himself afraid.

'You were higher than you've ever been in your life.' He reasoned with himself, unsure of what to say to her. He wasn't sure he could tell her the truth or relive it without throwing up. And he knew Karen: she wanted intimate detail.

Here she was, talking about one of the biggest nights of their lives, as if were a mere, matter of girl talk, something done one night with a strange man, rather than the thing that would change their lives forever and make Jack question himself so deeply he could barely stand to breathe.

Jack cleared his throat, deciding to answer for her sake. It was, after all, the evening of her husband's funeral.

"Well. When a gay man, and a woman love each other very much…" He pretended to explain. Karen burst into giggles, slapping him playfully.

"Be serious silly! It was haphazard and awkward right? I'm surprised you even got it in there!"

It'd been far from haphazard, and even farther from awkward and that's what scared him so deeply. What'd happened, you ask? He didn't recall how they'd gotten to the bedroom, or how it'd started, all he knew was that he'd pursued her. Not the other way around. From the first moment, it'd been hot, passionate, and just right… just like every kiss they had ever shared: there was something undeniable there.

It'd been a night of fireworks, one like he'd never had with anyone before. He'd been relentless in a way he'd not known he knew how to be, even with another man: and it scared him. Jack shook his head, trying to get her out of his mind: the trouble was he'd not yet been able. She'd been so soft, and enticing in a foreign, exotic way, and most of all, more gorgeous to him than ever before. He didn't realize, then, that in some way, that night, the brush of her lips against his, the feel of her soft skin grazing across his body, and most of all, the image of her moaning, begging under him would never leave him, not as long as he had breath.

Jack shook his head no, mumbling as if his mouth were taped shut. 'It can't be! It just can't!' He panicked. 'I can't be… straight! This isn't happening! Ryan Gossling, Ryan Gossling, RYAN GOSSLING!' He cried, as if wishing for a shirtless fairy godfather with perfect biceps.

"So, how was your first girl?" She teased. "I was your first, right?"

Jack wasn't sure what it was, but something about their night together had fundamentally changed his feeling toward her. He noticed her now in a way he never had before. It was less of an attraction, and more of an appreciation… as if somehow that night had made him realize how sweet making love could be… And how much he really loved her. And all of that terrified him immensely.

'Could I love her…' His heart whispered. 'More than I lust for someone else?'

Jack shook his head in disgust, as if trying to rid himself of notion that so burdened his battered heart.

"I-it was gross Kare. But you're my _only_ girl." He said simply, kissing her on the forehead as he settled into his pillows, turning his back on her.

"You hear that Maddie? Mommy's daddy's only girl. I think that's very… Sweet." She decided. Karen had never been someone's only anything before and was touched by the prospect, even if it met very little.

She propped herself up on her arm, staring down at him as he turned to sleep, knowing there had to be more to the story than that.

"Good night Jackie." She said, pausing a beat before leaning down and kissing him deeply, feeling proven right when he absentmindedly started to kiss her back.

"Good night Kare." He said, hoping to end the discussion. He put his arm around her middle, pulling her back down into his embrace and closing his eyes, wanting to shut it all out.

"Good night poodle." She whispered, now feeling as if she knew the truth.

Karen fell asleep, feeling justified. But Jack lay awake, his eyes wide open in the dead of night, feeling more confused than ever before.

….

Jack's head swam as he admonished himself for what had happened last night. He and Karen made out all the time, but this had been different. She'd kissed him with the pointed, intentional aim of testing him and while he didn't realize that so specifically, he'd known there was something deeper in her kiss than pure fun and it made him uneasy. 'It's not women as a group.' He told himself. 'It's because it's Karen… and you love her with all your heart.'

Jack tried to convince himself this was about his heart and not his hormones, and moreover, that it was about her losing her husband. After all, he'd been married to Rosie and shared a bed with her having never felt a thing. He thought quickly about the varying women in his life: Rosie, his mother (ew), Bonnie (noooo thank you), Grace, and several others, quickly finding that out of all of them, Will and Grace turned him off the most.

"Odd…" He thought aloud.

"What's odd honey?" Karen asked, pouring herself an abnormally large cup of milk. In that instant, he found himself staring at her breasts.

'It's the milk.' He gulped, again, reasoning with himself.

"You want some?"

"What? No!" He panicked.

Karen reached over and placed her hand on his forehead, concerned. "Poodle you feeling okay? You're a little… weird today."

"I'm fine." He insisted.

"Here," She handed him a glass, "You need your strength, daddy."

Jack hesitated but started drinking the milk.

"Oh, honey that reminds me. My milk started coming in this morning."

Jack choked, the cow's milk shooting across the room.

…..

"You don't wanna have sex with her Jack, that's ridiculous! But you do love her… Like I love Gracie."

"You don't wanna have sex with Grace?" Jack questioned, acting more surprised than he should be.

"No!" Will was disgusted.

Jack wasn't sure. It was the second time he'd breeched the subject with Will and he was mortified to have done it.

 _'Me?' He'd asked before. 'The master homo in the flesh, concerned he's in love with a woman, how crazy!'_

The two men walked through the park toward the manse, following a boy's day: a long spa treatment, and day of baby shopping.

"Look." Will continued. "You guys have been through a lot lately. You lost your son. Her husband abandoned her and then died. And now, she's having your baby. It's only natural you're going to feel… protective, a-and closer to her than usual." Will reasoned. "She probably feels the same. I-I know I'll feel that way when our time comes, and I know it doesn't mean anything is going to change."

Jack rolled his eyes. "Maybe you're right. But you always feel that way about Grace."

"No I don't!"

"I just feel so… Unnatural!" Jack cringed, his arms full of obnoxiously pink baby paraphernalia.

Will rolled his eyes, pulling a sparkly pink onesie of the bag he carried and showing it to Jack. It read: _Daddy's Gaga For Me_. " _This_ is unnatural for you?"

"You just don't understand Will!"

"Jack." Will reasoned, gently putting his hand on his friend's shoulder. "Everywhere we went today, you tried to get the parking, and the special seating and even the special spa treatment for expectant mothers…"

"Well my ankles are a little swollen…. And the hormones are just all over the place!"

"Trust me: you're still gayer than ever!"

"Yeah but Will I…"

"What?!" Will was annoyed now.

"I'm jealous of how much she loves Stan."


	11. So This Is Love, Part I

Chapter 11 – So This Is Love

*Hey I'm sorry, I don't know why the last version I posted of this was so scrambled with html like text! Hope this is better :)

"Get her out of me!" Karen growled, causing Jack and her doctor to jump.

Karen sat up on the exam table, glaring at them with hateful, determined eyes. It'd been four days since the baby's due date, and Karen found herself absolutely desperate to give birth.

"She's right just do it, take the baby out." Jack panicked, even more desperate to stay on what little was left of Karen's good side.

The doctor laughed, trying to act as if he was above fearing Mrs. Walker's anger. "I know its rough…"

"Yeah? How would you know!" She snapped. "I don't see a twelve pound baby taking tequila shots on your bladder!"

"And besides, won't she be all wrinkled if we leave her in too long?" Jack asked, disgusted at the prospect.

"Actually, the baby's doing quite well. She's just measuring little small and I think she needs to cook a little longer."

"Cook?" Karen asked. "No child of mine's going to learn to cook!"

"She's small?" Jack's concern piqued.

"It's nothing drastic. And both of you are on the short side, so it's to be expected. But I think she could a use a little more time in the womb." Karen pouted as Jack nodded in understanding. "She'll come when she's ready. Promise."

"But I-" Karen protested.

"But we-" Jack joined in.

"Mrs. Walker just, hang in there." The doctor rolled his eyes. "I promise you, she'll come, any time now."

"How much time does she need!" Karen cried.

"I'll induce on the twenty-first, not a moment sooner." He said, leaving the room.

"Urrrg!" Karen sighed, falling back on the bed.

Jack said nothing, himself convinced the doctor knew best, and went to pick up her coat.

"Induce…" Karen considered. "Oh Jackie I know just what we're gonna do!"

Jack dropped the coat, looking back at her, horrified.

…..

Later That Night

Will and Grace watched cautiously from the kitchen, afraid to approach as Karen moaned on the couch.

"God someone just pop her already." Grace mumbled.

"Well if the baby's anything like her." Will considered. "I could see where she'd want to lay around well past her expiration date, and marinate in one-one-hundred and fifty percent grain alcohol."

Grace laughed, hitting him with the back of her hand. "Be serious, I feel bad for her. She's done such a good job. Giving up drinking, taking care of herself, preparing for the baby…"

"I guess I've got to admit, its impressive." Will sipped a bit of wine. "And I didn't think she could do it."

"I'm proud of her." Grace smiled.

"You? That's a big turn around from your-" Will didn't want to say it, afraid to anger her.

She sighed. "Yes, I'm still a little jealous."

Will and Grace had taken a break from trying to have their own baby, having never figured out why their attempts had failed.

"Ooooawwow!" Karen cried out, readjusting her position on the couch. "Maddie that's mommy's spine, wasn't her bladder enough!"

Will and Grace froze as they watched Karen lay her head back on the couch, near tears now, each of them really noting how miserable she was.

"Of course…" Grace noted. "There's only so much to be jealous of… "

"Jackie!" Karen shrilled.

"Ow!"

Will and Grace looked down, hearing Jack cry out from his place hiding under the kitchen sink. They bent down, opening the cabinet. Jack rubbed the fresh bump on his head, putting his finger to his lips, signaling like mad that he was in hiding.

"Jackie!" Karen yelled.

Not knowing what to do, the guys motioned for Grace to attend to Karen, she resisted, but finally, Jack reached out of the cabinet and pushed her away. The two of them started to playfully slap each other, neither wanting to go to Karen's aid.

Annoyed, Will grabbed Grace's hands, noting Jack was beyond freaked out.

"Grace, just go."

"Do I have to?"

"Grace, Wilma, Jackie!" Karen shrieked Jack's name, her tone totally changing. The father-to-be jumped, hitting his head once again.

"Just go!" Will and Jack said at once.

"So?" Will asked as soon as Grace scrambled away in a frightened huff. "Why aren't you taking care of the shrilling mother of your child?"

"Will!" He whispered. "She wants me to do it!"

"What?"

"She wants me to have sex with her!"

"That's absurd! Of course she doesn't! I remember what you said before, you're paranoid! Or." Will teased. "Maybe you really are in love with her. And that's why you're back in the cabinet."

Jack gasped, covering his mouth with disgust. In all seriousness, Jack had known the minute she'd said the word induce… But it hadn't been until the car ride home that she'd unveiled her plan.

"I know Jackie." She said excitedly, starting to clap. "We'll do the dirty, that should make my water break!"

He stared in horror, noting she was happier than he'd seen her in days. He was terrified to anger her, but for a host of reasons, knew he could not have sex with her.

"But Karen, I…" He tried to protest

"Come on honey, lets do it right here!" She'd pled.

"N-now?"

"Yeah! Haven't you ever done it in the back of a limo before?"

"Well as a matter of fact…" Jack was into it for a second. "No! Karen I can't!"

"Why not, Jackie I'm miserable and it's not like we haven't done it before!"

Will sighed as Jack sat in a fetal position, rocking himself.

"Look Jack, she's just desperate. She'd probably ask Grace to sleep with her at this point. It isn't about you!"

"Oh? And what if she asks you next?!" Jack charged.

Across the Room:

"Karen that's ridiculous." Grace said, now sitting on the couch. "You can't spice the baby out by drinking hot sauce."

"Ugh you're right: any kid of mine's gonna have way too high a tolerance for that." Karen said, taking a swig of the stuff like it was water.

Grace followed, trying to drink it too, but started coughing her head off. "W-water!" She choked.

In the Kitchen:

"If it's not so ridiculous." Jack whispered, "Then you do it!"

"Me? Its your kid!"

Jack rolled his eyes. "Oh that's right, you only have sex with Grace."

"Jack." Will sighed. "Come out of the cabinet… You've never had trouble doing it before."

Jack crossed his arms, turning away.

"You're going to hit your head on the plumbing again, come out."

"That's exactly what I'm afraid of!" Jack almost screamed.

Across the Room:

"There are a lot of ways to get labor to start." Grace offered nervously.

"Urgg, I've gotta to put my feet up higher. I said higher!" Karen barked.

She stomped her left foot, eliciting a pained moan from Rosario who rested on all fours at the end of the couch, supporting Karen's swollen feet on her back. Rosie whimpered, and as requested, rose higher on her hands and knees, elevating Mrs. Walker's pained limbs.

"Ha I knew it! Miss Maddie's going to be giving you what you deserve, you crabby old bitch." Rosie muttered.

Thankfully Karen could not hear her. Or, so she thought. Karen waited a good thirty seconds before raising a foot, and kicking her hard in the back a second time.

…

An Hour Later

"Come on Jackie, you've had meaningless sex with a lot of people honey." Karen begged.

An hour had passed and Karen was resting in Grace's bed. Will and Grace hadn't fully understood the dilemma in that Jack, Karen and Rosario had already tried the traditional methods over the last few days: tea and spicy foods had been done to death. Karen had forced Rosario to run a few miles and it'd done absolutely nothing. She'd then thrown the acupuncturist out of the house when his methods failed to give her contractions, but gave Jack bad cramps…

Jack and Karen had each played her nipples like a fiddle… But nothing. The doctor had been the last choice, and he'd refused to play along, both with the nipples and with the thing only he could do: breaking her water. Sex was truly the last choice short of waiting, and Karen didn't understand what the big deal was.

Jack sighed, combing his fingers through the back of his hair as he sat on the edge of the bed. He didn't know what to say, but knew he couldn't hide anymore. She'd teased him weeks before when she'd asked him what'd it'd been like between them, wanting details he didn't know how to explain, joking that it'd all been some mistake, that he'd been sloppy and unable to perform when it'd been anything but…

Jack looked away, sickened and confused by the thought of their time together. To this moment, he couldn't imagine that he could really love a woman in that way, and no matter how much she wanted, or needed this, he didn't think he could physically perform this time without vomiting on her… that is, without the aid of a considerable amount of alcohol or.. whatever he'd been slipped that night.

Jack watched his pregnant best friend, noting that her striking blue eyes almost pled with him, begging him to relieve her of her misery. He shuddered, noting that like that night, her eyes lured him a little.

"Honey I just don't understand. You and I mess around all the time. What's different about this? What's changed?"

Jack and Karen had never had boundaries. Like the best of gal pals, they changed in front of each other, shared clothes and often a bed. Unlike gal pals, they often bathed together and touched each other inappropriately to pass the time (years before they'd had sex)… But like many good friendships, sex had changed things. At least for him.

"Oh I get it." She said. "Earth to Karen!"

Jack's shoulders dropped, relieved she finally understood, and prepared to explain.

"You think the baby's going to be able to see us!"

"What?! She can see us?!" Jack freaked out, more turned off by the idea than even before.

"No Jackie! She'll never notice if mommy and daddy … dance the devil's tango." She said, jokingly placing a hand on each side of her middle as if covering Maddie's ears.

"Look Karen. This isn't easy." Jack considered.

"What Poodle?"

Jack couldn't bare to give his feelings away: he didn't even know what they were, and moreover, he didn't want to do anything to jeopardize the wonderful thing they'd always had going. Jack still didn't know what all these feelings were, but one thing was for sure: he loved her with all his heart, just as she'd always loved him.

"Karen. Yes. I've had meaningless sex with a lot of people. But." He hesitated. "You're not meaningless to me."

"But. It's sex for a purpose Jackie. Like when Will and Grace were gonna…"

"And remember they decided to do this the medical way." He reminded quickly.

Karen turned away, biting her lip. "You just don't wanna be with me." She muttered sadly. "I guess I really was your worst."

"What?" He asked.

"I guess I really was your worst." She crossed her arms, now saying it loud enough for him to hear.

"No." He said. "Karen that's just the problem. You were the best."

Karen sat there, stunned, her mouth dropping open as he kissed the top of her head and hurried out of the room.

…

Six Hours Later

Jack shut the front door as quietly as possible, tip-toeing back into Will and Grace's apartment. It was the middle of the night and he had gone out to a gay bar, and then another… and then another… to think.

It'd been a wild night, hot guys grinding on him, making filthy comments he would've usually been totally into; handing out phone numbers… And through it all, Jack found himself wishing he were home… With Karen.

He sighed, realizing Rosario lie snoring on the couch. He'd hoped to come here and get his head totally clear overnight, but of course Karen had decided they would spend the night. He guessed he couldn't blame her, considering.

"Honey?" Karen asked, her voice squeaking.

Jack jumped, noting Karen stood there, wearing a Burgundy silk nightshirt that had once been Stan's. Even at nine months pregnant, she absolutely swam in it.

Karen took a deep breath, supporting her back with one hand and her middle with the other.

"God Kare, you scared me! You look like the ghost of Christmas fa…past!" He caught himself about to say Christmas fat.

She sighed, knowing he was only sparing her feelings. She was fat, and moody, and miserable. And everything she didn't think anyone wanted.

"Honey, I know I'm fat and it's okay. But. Did you mean what you said?"

"Hmm?" He asked, wrapping his arm around her shoulders as they made their way back into Grace's room, trying to act indifferent. "No Kare, you're not that fat."

"No. Honey was I really… your best?"

Jack sighed as they sat on the edge of the bed. She took his hand.

"I just..I'm…"

"It's okay honey." She understood, knowing he must be so confused.

"I think you… You really don't remember?"

Karen shook her head. "No. I wish I did."

Jack watched as Karen absentmindedly played with his fingers. She wished she did? What'd that mean?!

"It was … Really wild. And hot. And … Personal. And …" Jack didn't think he could say it, and took another moment to simply study her eager blue eyes, finding that more than anything, she desired an explanation for what had happened, and given her very pregnant state, he figured she deserved it. "And it was the first time… It was the first time I'd ever…"

"Go on." She urged gently.

"It was the millionth time I'd had sex, and the first time I'd made love."

"Oh?" Her voice squeaked in quiet understanding. "Oh honey." She smiled, her eyes brimming with tears. "That's so sweet." She kissed his cheek.

"So you understand? Sex with you… It's not sex with just anyone. It's … special. I can't… I can't repeat that Kare, or just… Just do it, just because."

Jack was doubly confused. Sex was more a natural impulse for him than for most men, which said enough as it was. He could barely remember a time when he'd turned it down, save other advances from women of course, and that one really scary guy on the subway… But the idea that he'd feel this way, as if doing it were cheapening the relationship: that terrified him. He was a many man man, not a one woman man!

Karen smiled, the need to tease him fading. "That's why I'm so happy you're my baby's daddy." She whispered.

"Y-you are?" He raised an eyebrow.

He was deeply touched. Jack couldn't have been sure how she felt about the child being his, he knew she really loved Stan, for much more than just his money. Secretly, he'd been sure that she wished this baby was Stan's and not his, and it'd hurt so much. Jack's heart soared at the possibility that Karen really, truly wanted his child.

"But what about Stan?" He had to ask.

"Oh honey. I loved Stanley, but I didn't really wanna have his baby… It would've been six-hundred-pounds and really torn me a new one." She started to laugh at her own joke, as if hyperventilating. "In all seriousness poodle… What you said, it makes me really happy." She beamed.

"It does?" He asked, his interest piquing.

"Yeah." She smiled. "I'll never doubt Stanley loved me honey, even after Lorraine…. And lying about his death… And cheating on his taxes." She laughed, rubbing her side and looking off into the distance as if all of this were a fond memory. "And dying on me, all over again." She said sadly, her smile fading. "But lets be honest. He always wanted something from me, particularly in bed…"

Karen and Stan's marriage hadn't been built on pure sex like Jack's flings. For a long time, there'd been real love and commitment there, but it hadn't been the mad, crazy, appreciative love Karen had secretly desired. It hadn't even been the pure love she and Jack shared. In fact, too much of it had been about the multimillionaire's lustful desires. It'd been what'd kept them together.

Karen smiled bittersweetly. "It makes me know even more that you're the perfect one to do this with, Jackie. You love me. For me. And I can't forget that."

Jack almost jumped for joy when she'd said it. Eureka! That was it! The one thought that explained everything away and made Jack feel like a brand new, shiny gay: Will had been right. He didn't love Karen as a woman, he loved her, wholly and without any reservation, just because she was Karen.

"Kare?" He smiled.

"Yeah?"

"Can I kiss you?"

"Sure poodle!" She squealed.

Karen tilted her head as Jack brushed his lips to hers, her senses tingling. He was an extraordinary kisser, that she knew, and part of her wished he'd consent to sleeping with her just the once, so she could know what she'd missed when they'd conceived that fateful night. Karen placed her hands on either side of his cheeks, kissing him back with force as they lay back on the bed. Jack froze, finding Karen underneath him when their lip lock broke.

Karen looked up at him, her eyes gleaming with satisfaction and peace. She giggled, her smile fading not an instant later. She gasped, grabbing his arm, squeezing tight.

"K-Karen?"

"Oh Jackie." She winced. "Saddle up Rosario… I think baby's coming."

7


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